One-Eyed Matador Returns to Ring
He will start out with three-legged bulls!
Obama Gets Tough
Obama says he's not bluffing on Iran military option. "You hear me up NYC Lower East Side?"
Obama Birth Certificate Maybe Forged, Sheriff Joe Arpaio Says
"Also, Jeremiah Wright is his real daddy!"
PM Cameron Denies Mounting Horse
Prime Minister David Cameron in trying to clarify the episode about retired police horse 'Raisa,' said, "I did not mount her, except when I got on her…, oh, bloody hell, forget it."
Israel takes "Iranian Nuclear Threat Seriously"
When the Israeli Air Force Commander in Chief was asked, how Israel would respond to Iran, replied, "Gentlemen, start your engines!"
Obama not Bluffing on Iran
"If Iran builds a nuclear weapon, we won't buy Persian cats, rugs or falafel, we may revoke the citizenships of Andre Agassi & Christiane Amanpour, Iran must know we mean business," said the President
Iranian Leader Responds to President Obama's Threat
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad responded to President Obama's threat over his country's nuclear program with, "Naa-na-na-naa-na."
Ky. School Nixes Sports
Kentucky school in bad shape financially to replace all sports with whole school playing "Fox & Hounds" twice a week.
Something To Look Forward To?
Next year's shows on network TV promises to be just as crappy as this seasons.
What's Up With Them?
Middle Eastern country somehow happy as a lark.
Hairdresser Loses it!
Local hairdresser goes bonkers after being fired. Over two hundred newly bald heads in Montgomery, Alabama.
Ex Smith Morrissey is as "common as muck!"
Morrissey, second rate pop singer has claimed that The Falklands are Argentinian. He was touring Argentina at the time. Falklands vet's can't wait until he returns home, they'll blow him away!
written by Jaggedone, 02 March 2012
Heath Ledger: Tell Batman that I'm finally ready to take him on....BRAINS!!
Apple worth more than Poland ($500 billion)
Well at least Poland is unlikely to be invaded by neighbours anytime soon.
David Cameron rode retired police horse loaned to Rebekah Brooks
"She was a great ride, she'd do anything for a bit of sugar" said Cam
Occupy LSX (St Pauls) 137 days cleared in 137 minutes.
It's a new Guinness world record!
No mention of John Terry captaincy scandal in England programme v Holland
You could say it was a whitewash.
EU Signs Fiscal Treaty
Inbetween everyone sniggering at EU president Herman Van Rompuy's funny name.
Hilary Clinton joins Women In The World summit
Go sisters! Monica Lewinsky not invited.
Rubbish footballers earn too much says Robbie Savage
Well he should know.
Cher Lloyd's parents don't want her back.
They converted her bedroom into a dining room a week after she moved out.
Looks like we're stuck with her then.
Serbia Pleased With Its EU Candidacy
"We would be happy to send 100 dinar to Greece", says government spokesman.
Ex-Student Sues College
Ex-Mass. student sues college over roommate's sex. "I could never tell which sex he/she was. After two years rooming with Pat, I'm all freaked out."
Dr. Oz Warning
Dr. Oz says that it's very important to read all drug labels. "If it says 'take one a day by mouth', you take it by mouth. No fooling around."
Drunk man arrested driving on Philly runway was apparently trying to get up enough speed to "Take Off!"
US Offered Help
Mexican, Columbian drug lords offer to help pay off US debt. "We cannot afford all these billions to become worthless."
US, Russian Admit Foopah
CIA, Russian KGB admit that Liechtenstein may have stolen all their nuclear launch codes and has shared them with Monaco.
Cash-strapped Italy pushes Vatican to pay more taxes!
The pope tells secretary to check the petty cash drawer. "That should do it."
Campaign's Getting Out Of Control
'Go to hell Barack' ad ignites controversy! Is 'Romney Eats Babies' next?
Dems Defend Obama Government Takeovers
Exclusive: In '02 Romney loved federal money. "So see", say Dems. "He's almost as bad as our guy."
Chancellor George Osborne drafts tax dodging law
Treasury shuts down bank schemes designed to save about £500m in tax. Excellent news - assuming it will go towards NHS and building new prisons, not MPs duck farms, second homes and other expenses.
iPad 3 May Be Unveiled Next Week.
Look out for loads of ipad and ipad2 on ebay, sunday markets and street corners from blokes in dark glasses and raincoats.
Barclays is UK's most complained about bank
Must have been a close run thing though.
Barclays should ask for a recount.
Ed Miliband told: Move to le Left
It came after the Labour leader met socialist French presidential candidate Francois Hollande.
"Well I wish he'd move somewhere - the further the better!"
Nick Seddon: NHS Reforms will Benefit Patients
Nick Seddon, Reform's deputy director, is a liar!
If he'd said ' NHS Reforms will Benefit Rich Patients' then I'd believe the nepotistic swine!
Englebert To Represent Britain In Eurovision Aged 98
A showbiz pal revealed he intends to give a rendition of "I'll Take The Last Rites With You"
written by Clive Danton, 02 March 2012
Edith Piaf to represent France at the Eurovision Song Contest. The singer is expected to perform from her casket, lip syncing to a newly (de)composed track.
written by robbbie85, 02 March 2012
Prime Minister David Cameron has lead tributes to blinded police hero David Rathband
"But continues on with his plan to reduce the size of the Police Service enough to make it impotent!
The two faced, lying, nepotistic, greedy, git of a Prime Minister!"
BBC pick 75-year-old Engelbert Humperdinck for the Eurovision 2012 contest
But BBC execs reckon Engelbert, who will perform a brand new song, will be a huge hit at the song contest in Baku, Azerbaijan, on May 26.
"Nil poi bring back memories?"
The world's oldest vacuum cleaner still sucking up dust after 108 years
Harry Cox rescued the cleaner and accessories from a skip at work.
"And Mark Cox was Handcuffed and Charged with 'Theft by finding' when he took a damaged can of coke from a Tesco skip!"
Autistic boy choked to death on a sweet while ambulance could not find his street
It took 14 minutes for the ambulance to get arrive, because it couldn't find the road on the Ambulance computer system.
"Are you reading this Cameron? - Not that it would bother you at all!"
Belfast cops nab burglar caught in door letterbox
Police said it wasn't too hard to nab one would-be Belfast burglar - he managed to get his arm stuck while trying to reach through a front door letterbox.
"He was a mail burglar of course!"
Pensioner stopped driving in wrong direction on motorway after 19 hours behind wheel!
Maureen Darvell, 83, had set off from her home in Ashford, Kent, on her way to Bristol. But the pensioner got confused on the M25 and ended up heading towards Bournemouth.
"Bless her, thank God she didn't kill anyone!"
Kenneth Clark: Bail for thugs who skip bail
One criminal breached court order 125 times, and still got bail again!
"Carry on Ken... knocking back the single malt and chomping on your cigars!"
50 stone Nottingham woman who weighed more than entire family put together, drops over 30 stone for wedding!
She blew up from a petite 9 stone as a 16-year-old to over 50 stone by her 40th birthday.
She said: "Paul proposing to me focused my mind and gave me that incentive to lose weight."
"Good for her!"
Googgle took to court by Frenchman caught urinating!
The Google Street View showed him urinating in his front yard which he believes has made him the laughing stock of his village in rural northwest France.
"Taking the Piss!"
Online Calculator Returns "Computation Timed Out" When Putting Equation
An online calculator returns "computation timed out" when inputting equations. According to the webmaster's e-mail, it may be possibly caused by stack overflow on the web server.
written by Rocko the Zen Wallaby, 02 March 2012
'Tofu With Pig's Hand' Enrages Vegetarians
Vegetarians protest on Vegan Soldier's Veggie House after announcing a recipe known as "Tofu With Pig's Hand." The manager stated that they include a menu for non-vegetarians to increase revenue.
written by Rocko the Zen Wallaby, 02 March 2012
NKorean Visitors On The Way
North Korean nuclear team visiting the US will have several guards. That's to make sure they don't stay here like previous times.
There Are Illus. For Blondes
Pediatricians reaffirm breastfeeding guidelines: "First place the baby up to your breast..."
Cameron caught farting
"But I was just breaking wind!" replied British PM David Cameron as he was lead away by Spanish Police from a Barcelona restaurant where he had been dining. Police charged him with violating peace.
written by whatinthe world, 02 March 2012