Panetta defends cuts in military healthcare!
"Sure we can have health care for every American...except the military!"
Three of grooms best friends crushed to death after hiding under their bed at honeymoon suite after last-minute swap with gay sumo wrestlers.
Terrorist Changes Ways
Near-Death Experience leads Muslim terrorist to change ways after a glimpse at 72 virgins. "No wonder they are still virgins", he tells press.
Just Trying to Adjust Ceremony
Many gay couples say they are upset at pastor marrying them asking "Who's on top?" at wedding ceremony.
Hi-He-He Ho-Hack! Hack! Hack!
His head was gray and his pecker bent but most people were glad to see Woody Woodpecker get that Lifetime Achievement Award at the Academy Awards Show last week.
Honeymooning Couple Upset
Honeymooning couple aboard cruise ship say they are getting a little fed up with the "Conjoined Twins" moniker they have been given.
We Got Trouble!
Right here on Sesame Street after Big Bird frees the ostriches and emus after taking kids to the zoo.
Trained Aardvark arrested at zoo after placing 911 call thinking that the o'possum had died.
Davy Jones Remembered
"We were called 'The Pre-Fab Four", stated fellow ex-Monkey Michael Nesmith. "We didn't care, just as long as all those screaming girls were after us."
Fiery US Conservative Dies
Nope. It wasn't Limbaugh. It was Andrew Breitbart. Sorry.
Thousands of runners have taken part in the Gaza Strip's second marathon, which covered the whole length of the Palestinian territory. Gunfire in the distance apparently helped set a new record speed.
Dutch master Robben paints Wembley "Oranje"!
Tiny Holland, bristling with Dutch masters, produced a show of artistic beauty, especially Mijnheer Robben. Even when they fell asleep he created a master stroke that brushed the English away!
written by Jaggedone, 01 March 2012
Natasha Giggs shortlisted as mum of the year
That was be a really really short list.
Obama Investigation Almost Complete
Sheriff Joe to release "investigation" of President Obama. VP Joe Biden ready to step in at a moment's notice.
CDC: Fatal Brain-Eating Amoebas In Nasal Washes
However, other than that, they appear to be harmless.
Obama's Uncle Due in Court On Drunk Driving Charge
GOP: Also, Obama's third cousin's husband once killed a neighbor's pet bunny rabbit.
Divide & Conquer?
Anonymous hackers claim they were infiltrated by anonymous hackers.
Who's Warn Santorum
Santorum campaign hoping for help from Gingrich. "Good luck with that", says citizens from Whoville!
Romnedy Dives In!
Romney working to connect personally with voters, creates mosh pits in front of speaking stages.
Scientists reconstruct long-extinct giant penguin, the Opusaurus!
Old Flu Bug?
Study: Old flu bug speeds brain injury recovery. I'm sorry. That should be "old flu Drug".
Fried Food Raises Stroke Risk
Fried food raises stroke risk in older women. Also in younger women, men, older men and children.
Romney clarifies birth control position after misstep. Obama clarifies "My Muslim Beliefs" misstatement. Ron Paul: "What do I have to misstep to get any attention, my boot up a reporter's rear end?"
US judge says sorry over racist Obama email!
"Not as sorry as he's going to be after November", says Obama Press Secretary.
Hospital horror: Patient is set on fire during surgery at Scarborough Hospital
A patient has been accidentally set on fire while undergoing surgery at Scarborough Hospital.
The patient suffered burns after a skin cleaning solution used, ignited!
"Knocks yer confidence dunnit?"
Senate heads for showdown over contraceptives!
"A few years ago, Senators would never 'conceive' such a subject", says on Conservative.
Passengers Finally Leave Stranded Cruise Ship
Head directly to attorney offices.
Many Have Given Up Hopes For a Job
Jobless claims hover near 4-year lows! "Most people have ran out of time to draw unemployment after three years", says worker.
Romney: Me too!
Obama: 'I've been on the Lin bandwagon for a while', apparently trying to carry the basketball vote in November.
Romney Sweeps Wyoming
Mitt Romney wins Wyoming caucuses! Claims that he will get at least 250 of Wyoming's 300 voters in the fall.
J.Lo Denies Wardrobe malfunction at the Oscars.
"That was no nip slip. It was a bit of chewing gum that hadn't lost its flavor yet. It seemed a shame to waste it - I'm still Jenny from the block you know!"
Heaven lends earth Monkee says Scotland Yard.
Returned in worse condition than what they borrowed him says God.
RIP Davy Jones.
Heron falls victim to captive lion's hunting instinct at Amsterdam zoo!
A lioness at the Royal Artis Zoo shows that she has not lost the killer instinct when a heron landed in the lion enclosure, and she ate it!
"Well that will save a few thousand fish from being eaten!"
Male chromosome is 'Not' doomed, say scientists
Fears that the male Y chromosome could be wiped out within five million years have been undermined by new research showing the drop in genes has stabilised.
Man Quits Job At Helium Balloon Plant
"I wasn't going to have people talking to me like that!" he said last night.
written by Clive Danton, 01 March 2012
China: US Greed Ruining World Economy
China holdings of US debt at $1.15 trillion. Orders US to quit printing money or we're both broke!
Colorado Police: 'Creepy' embalmer sold gold teeth from corpses. Police say Joe Burke Hare also made off with wedding rings before bodies were cremated.
Céline Dion Cancels Vegas Show due to Virus
Dion's agent, Boom Boom Geoffrion insisted it had nothing to do with the 'accidental flash' she gave fans, wearing a short dress at a recent concert in Jamaica
written by JAB, 01 March 2012
Davy Jones Dead at 66
Monkees fans will remember him on his "Last Train to Clarksville"
written by JAB, 01 March 2012
George Carlin Reporting!
George Carlin reported back from the next world today that they had received a new man there who worked at a Tool % Die Company, after a large tool fell on him and he died.
Nobody knows the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing, study
Mad talk is taking place after this year's Oscars as to whether the Oscars for sound mixing and editing should be combined or even cut out altogether. A recent study shows that everyone's clueless.
written by Lyndon, 01 March 2012
Man Born On Leap Day Confident That Will Get Him Laid One Day
"Hey baby, do you like 8-year-olds? Because technically . . . . . No, no that's creepy," said the man, as he continued to ponder the perfect pick-up line.
written by Gregamemnon, 01 March 2012