David Cameron Caught Lying in the Sun
... and The Daily Mirror, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, The Independent, The Times, Private Eye, Manchester DEvening News ...
written by IN SEINE, 08 March 2012
84-Year-Old Woman Tries To Vote -- Told She's Dead!
"It's it always the way. The dead person is the last to know!"
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Syrians Are Sweethearts
UN to condemn Israel over treatment of women, ignore Syria killing thousands of their own people.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Major Gas Problems
POLL: 77% Say Gas Most Important Factor in Election. Other 23% mostly Amish, Mennonite, drifters and Ralph Nader.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Congress Pushes To Make "Denial" 51st State
Representatives from Disrepair, Panic, and Puerto Rico reportedly fuming.
written by Gregamemnon, 08 March 2012
Gorillas Do Not Develop Dementia Say Scientists Who Have Sequenced Gorilla Genome
'This may lead to gene therapy for human dementia sufferers,' said the team, 'if side effects can be overcome such as the growth of thick black body hair and obsessive consumption of bananas.'
written by Swan Morrison, 08 March 2012
Johnny Depp Plays Unusual Role As Tonto!
Unlike the old radio shows of the Lone Ranger, Tonto will refuse to "go to town" as he was always got knocked out. Also, the music, "The Wounded Knee Blues" is different.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Solar Storm May Make Sat Navs Useless Say Experts
'Large lorries will get jammed in country lanes and car drivers will be directed to incorrect locations,' warned a motoring organisation spokesman. 'In short, it will be just like any other day.'
written by Swan Morrison, 08 March 2012
Dad banned for wearing baggy swimming shorts!
A dad in Bournemouth was banned from a swimming pool because his shorts were too baggy. The reason why he wore them was; he was trying to cover something huge up and tight trunks are all balls!
written by unknown
Limbaugh Not Worried About Lost Advertisers
Rush Limbaugh says he's not worried that over 40 advertisers have left his program. "We are on 600 stations and have about 18,000 companies advertising here. That's just networks trying to trick you."
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Hacker Sabu was an FBI plant for months
"Do you realize how hard it is to be disguised as a plant?", asks FBI spokesman.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Many Say 'Viagra' They Worked Fine
Feds: 71-year-old carried $700,000 in phony Viagra pills. "Test showed that they are mostly horny goat weed", says agent.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Officials: LA School Brawl Not Racially Motivated
"Just regular old everyday gang fight", says police chief. "Nothing to worry about."
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Another Winning Lotto Ticket Sold in RI!
"BINGO!!" shouts 81-year-old winner of last week's multimillion-dollar pot!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Lots Of Nightmares Last Night
Yesterday's pictures of spider invasion in Wagga Wagga, Australia led to thousands of viewers having to go to docs today, claiming they had a bad case of the Heebie Jeebies.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
China VP Loved Bo During Visit
Insiders at the White House say that the China VP really got a kick out of President Obama showing him how the White House dog, Bo, could also sit up and beg. Xi reportedly patted both on the head.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Barney Frank Muted
House bans Barney Frank from speaking for the day. "Even the Dems have got tired of that noise", stated one Republican.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Boom-bang-a-lang!
A committee of Lords and MP's, the National Security Srategy (NSS) states: The UK is 'unprepared'for key security threats...no shit guys, I could have told you that 10 years ago!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 March 2012
Revealed: Government plans to privatise the police
Well on the plus side, Journalists will be able to get a receipt when they pay for information.
written by radiogagger, 08 March 2012
Smartass!!
UK Trains set for Oyster-style 'smart cards'.......is this before, or after they bump up the fares for the millionth time?
written by Herrdoktorfox, 08 March 2012
Government lacks a 'compelling vision of where the country is heading'
"here, Mr Cameron, Mr Clegg - wanna buy a knocked off sat-nav ?"
written by radiogagger, 08 March 2012
Journalists 'aware they are breaking the law' bribing police
"Here's three grand officer - thanks for the information. Oh, one more thing, please arrest me when your ready"
written by radiogagger, 08 March 2012
FBI Condemns NYPD
NJ FBI says NYPD monitoring damaged Muslims' trust.... terrorist plans.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Texas vulture study upends forensics!
Causes driver of gut-wagon to lose his lunch!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Alzheimer's drug aids more severe cases too, according to study!
Also, Alzheimer's drug aids more severe cases too, according to study!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Everyone Loves Israel During Election Year!
GOP-controled House introduces bill to allow Holocaust survivors to sue! "That tops your 'We got your back in Iran' statement" they tell the President.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Snooker Tuesday results:
Mitt Romney 2 Stephen Hendry 5
Newt Gingrich 1 Ronnie O'Sullivan 5
Rick Santorum 3 Steve Davis 5
Ricky Perry 1 Willie Thorne 5
Europe retain the Mosconi Tuesday Trophy
written by radiogagger, 08 March 2012
Kerry: Time isn't right for US move against Vietnam
John Kerry rushed to hospital after solar flares bring on flashbacks!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Russian grannies win bid to sing at Eurovision!
"We especially love that 'Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer! It's so classy!"
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Israel asks U.S. for arms that could aid Iran strike!
"So put-up or shut-up Mr. Osama Election-Year Israeli Friend, Obama!"
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Oklahoma House approves pistol-packing in public!
First in line to apply are pistol-packing Mamas escorting kids to school.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Gunman shoots sheriff's deputy, bystander outside Tulsa!
"But he did not shoot the Sheriff!"
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Public schools sell empty classroom seats abroad!
Rush Limbaugh asks: "What does a broad need classroom seats?"
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Biggest solar storm in years races toward Earth!
Kirk orders Scotty to raise maximum shields. Bones reports, "He's dead, Captain."
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
CEO Refuses Yearly Salary
Chrysler CEO declines 2011 pay of $8 billion; company now worth $7.5 billion!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Before Nuke Inspection
Images show Iran nuke plant may be covering its cracks...tracks.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Many Shocked over U.S. probes allegations Afghan Air Force involved in drug running
Afghanistan's Got an Air Force?
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Former N.J. governor goes undercover as homeless man!
Delays report until he's over being beaten and sodomized twenty times.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Gingrich campaign doubles down on the South!
"If I could ever get some of those diehards to quit voting for Robert E. Lee every year."
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Patrioach Handing Out Cash!
Washington Redskin, New Orleans Saints coach denies there were any bounties on the heads of opposing players. However, New England Spycams show them handing cash out after player carried off field.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Fluke Continues To Be A Fluke
Sandra Fluke says 'I would do this again' despite Limbaugh attacks. Dems running for office encourage her to do just that.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Top Syrian oil official apparently defects from Assad
In a related story, Top Syrian oil official apparently found dead after official reports of shooting himself over 124 times.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
PETA Asks UN For Help.
Thousands of spiders blanket Australian farm after escaping flood. No help expected for spiders, nor the 8,000 fleeing farmers.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Lottery winner on food stamps even after $1 million jackpot!
"I put the million back for a rainy day." Internal Revenue Service tells her it's about to come a downpour on her butt!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Pakistan Charges Three Of Bin Laden's Wives
All three held for aid and abedding a known criminal!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Laid-off dad takes on daunting challenge!
Plans to take up training in typewriter repair. "I might even take a two-year night watchman training course."
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
8th March 2012: International Women's Day
"Just thought I'd mention it - keep in the good books you know!"
written by Inchcock, 08 March 2012
"She has ruined my life": Teen victim's agony after being tricked twice by "boy-girl" groper!
Devastated student Jessica Sayers revealed how she was still tormented by being targeted by gender-twister Gemma Barker.
"Best of both worlds?... maybe not!"
written by Inchcock, 08 March 2012
Actor Philip Madoc dies aged 77
Sadly missed - always remember him as the U-Boat Captain in Dad's Army!
written by Inchcock, 08 March 2012
Aircraft carrier cuts leave Falklands vulnerable!
Says the commander of 1982 war Major General Julian Thompson.
"Even I'd worked that one out!"
written by Inchcock, 08 March 2012
Girl of 10 took cocaine hidden in Pringles tube in her school playground
After her friend found a stash of drugs in a Pringles crisps tube, after a dealer hid the Class A drug in an empty tube of cheese and onion Pringles.
"Once you pop, you just cant stop!"
written by Inchcock, 08 March 2012
Peter Mandelson makes his fourth comeback
As Vince Cable and Ed Miliband turn to him for inspiration on promoting growth.
"What growth? Growth in liars insisted they had done nothing improper?"
written by Inchcock, 08 March 2012
Remploy factory closures to put 1,700 disabled people out of work
The government announced the closure of two in three of the remaining Remploy factories for disabled workers with the loss of more than 1,700 jobs.
"The Minister's should be ashamed of themselves!"
written by Inchcock, 08 March 2012
Programming Language Named "Pusang Iring"
Scheme's new version named "Pusang Iring" is inspired by an excellent professor who mentions cats during classes, according to some programmers.
written by Rocko the Zen Wallaby, 08 March 2012
Exploits Will Grow Every Time His Story Is Told
Many Al-Qaida leaders say that, even though Osama Bin Laden is dead, he will always live on among his people as a Turban Legend.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
We Don't Need No Education,/Leave Those Burgers Alone
McDonald's says their orders for the McPink Slime have dropped 90% since the Evening News did their story on it.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Then Add The Increase In The Price Of Oil
A report in the Washington Post today says that US airlines will lose over a five hundred million dollars this year and that's just our luggage.
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Sarkozy: France has too many foreigners!
That's fine with me. Let's all stay away from France!
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
Last Swimmer Cleaned Up & Released
Law officers said goodbye to the last Haitian swimmer to the US that wound up in the BP oil slick. "He will be fine", stated one officer. "BP paid him $10,000. He'll live like a king in Haiti."
written by Bureau, 08 March 2012
