First Rangers: Now Man Utd in EBT 2nd Contract scandal
Man Utd face new 'illegal' 2nd Contract sham as Referees Webb, Atkinson & Clattenburg all quizzed over secret 'offshore' payments through the FEBT (Fergie Extra Bung Trust)
written by Not The Nine O'clock News, 04 March 2012
McIlroy Holds On For Victory
Honda Classic: Rory McIlroy withstood Tiger Woods' 62 to get the win and No. 1 ranking. Tiger puts his best day forward but still no wins. The Curse of Thanksgiving, 2009 continues!
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Washington Waste Deplored
Poll: Vast majority say rich already pay fair share. "It's Washington's waste that needs changing."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Gluten-Free Cakes The Joy Of Paris!
Gluten-free cakes bring tears of joy to Paris. "You're darn tootin, we like free-gluten!". Some overcome completely and faint in the cafes.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
The New Space Race Begins
As the Russians plan to reach the sun first, the Irish Space Agency are going to blast off from Cape Killarney, tonight. If the temperatures get too high, the Eireonauts can roll up their sleeves.
written by IN SEINE, 04 March 2012
Britain Accuses Martians of Fly Tipping
Home Secretary, William Hague, has accused the Martians of fly tipping after many people on England's West coast reported a UFO falling to earth in flames. The object came from the Mars direction.
written by IN SEINE, 04 March 2012
The Modern World Is Too Complicated, Concludes Government Think Tank
'Too much emphasis has been placed on increasing educational attainment,' said a spokesman. 'What is really required is to make life simpler so people don't need so much education.'
written by Swan Morrison, 04 March 2012
Latest From Wrong Paul
Ron Paul: No Federal Financial Aid for Tornado Victims! Voters: No election wins for you!
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Harry Potter star Rupert Grint buys ice cream van.
Magnum! I mean magic!
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
Seven month pregnant Stacy Solomon spotted smoking
You can take the girl out of Essex...
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
Jermaine Defoe dating A burk.
Apologies, that should read dating Alexandra Burke.
Well, better than his normal conquests of Big Brother rejects and page 3 models. This one's got the X factor (well, had it)
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
95 yr old gran climbs out of coffin 6 days after burial.
Eh?! Well, I suppose it's cheaper than a spa centre or rehab.
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
FIFA (finally) plan to introduce goal line technology
Blimey, this is gonna makes the newspapers even thinner and the radio moan-ins, sorry phone-ins shorter than they already are...
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
Premier League: Tottenham 1 Man United 3 (full time)
After losing 5-2 to Arsenal last week, and now today's result, Harry offered this explanation: Well you know, we have a tough game with Stevenage midweek in the FA Cup, I had to rest a few players"
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
BBC renamed part of Broadcasting House after John Peel
Called the 'Peel Wing' although 'Reel to Reel Wing' was also considered.
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
Someone Ask Yogi Berra What He Said
Former President George Bush told a reporter in Dallas today that "If I had ran my second term in office first, I never would have been re-elected."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Good News Is Bad Too
The Bad News: Astronomers stated today that a huge asteroid could hit the earth by next year. The Good News: The Mayans may be right and we won't be here to see it.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Bet He Had A Camera
Pippa Middleton has completed a 56-mile cross-country ski marathon in Sweden - taking a respectable 412th place. Still she's upset about guy following her in 413th place never tried to pass.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Saint's Heart Still Missing
Dublin, Ireland church that had the saint's heart stolen are sending a team to check if it was left in San Francisco.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Obama: More Carpooling Please!
President Obama says that if gas reaches $6 a gallon, more people will carpool. Thus far, only gangs and clowns have agreed with him.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Bit Fat Gypsy star hit with large tax demand
Plans to pay it off selling lucky heather door to door.
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
No We Won't!
Gingrich: Obama's Goal Is '$8 or $9 a Gallon' Gas! That's the only way he believes that we will go electric. But Americans will do without other things and sales will bottom out on everything.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Madness Spreads Around The World!
Syria leader Assad asks western countries to "get a good look at Hillary. I think she's madder than I am!"
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Humperdink Will Sing For UK at Eurovision
....that's our chances well fucked from the outset!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 March 2012
Mystery Meteor Flashes Across British Skies.
...."Dirty boy, behave yourself!"
written by Herrdoktorfox, 04 March 2012
Cracker Barrel Of Monkeys
Police say that for the third time this year, someone has released a couple of monkeys in Cracker Barrel. "We suspect a former employee", says County Sheriff. "Believe me, this isn't funny."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
US Told To Tighten Belt
President Obama has asked the nation to tightened it's belt, especially those at Wal-Mart. Interviewed at Wal-Mart, customer responds, "Belts? Half of them here aren't half dressed!"
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
No More Free Info!
Bank Of America to begin charging customers for talking to tellers.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Ky. Couple Named Son, Jughead!
Eastern Kentucky couple say that neither of them ever heard of Archie Comics. "He just came out that way at the horspital", says Dad, "Keg Head" McCoy.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Chelsea sack Andre Villas-Boas
And replace him with first team coach Roberto Di Matteo until the end of the season.
So it's AVB to RDM.
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
"Tired Of Hearing It!"
Food Critic shot by his wife in the kitchen. Police say victim had skillet-shaped head, four bullets and 37 knife wounds.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
"This Is Our 125 Group With Britney!"
President Obama has asked Hollywood friends and supporters to help US draw more tourists to the country by offering to pose for touring group pictures.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Once Ran For President
Politician John Edwards stated today that no matter what has happened to him over the past 5 years, he's still the pretty one.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Two-thirds of China's cities fail on air standards!
"With Upcoming major health problems, they will get off that 'one-child per couple' thing in a few years", says Chinese reporter who asked not to be identified.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Mouth Farts?
After hearing President Obama say Romney was "Shoveling the you-know-what", Romney refers Obama remarks as 'mouth farts!'
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Gun Laws Attacked Again
Shooting outside Texas nightclub leaves 476 wounded.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Saint's ancient heart stolen from Dublin cathedral
"We don't believe the thief meant any harm", states Bishop. "After all, he has the heart of a saint."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Limbaugh Apologizes
Limbaugh apologizes to law student for insult. "I think I've gotten about all the free publicity over this as I can."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
"Bring Out Your Barely Alive, Your Rich 90-Year-Old Pussies!"
Mobile euthanasia units launched in Netherlands.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Judge Orders Illegal High School Valedictorian To Leave US
Valedictorian had perfect grade average and had planned to turn in his paper on "How to turn sewage into oil!"
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
700-Pound Man Stuck in Bed Turns to YOUTUB O' LARD for Help!
Sorry, that should read "YOUTUBE"!
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Santorum accuses DRUDGE of being Romney cheerleader!
Drudge Report denies this. "Romney He's Our Man!" was the cheer at recent school gym event. We only reported it 46 times.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Everton boss David Moyes says everyone in the Premier League should take a 20% pay cut
Well said that man. Although he mean't 50%
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
Newt up by double digits in GA!
Oppenents accuse him of giving away free Viagra, Levitra.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
"They're At It Again, Martha!"
Couple sues over neighbor's noisy wooden floor. Later dismissed after judge learns that noisy floor right under bed and neighbors are newlyweds!
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Another Misspeak?
CO guv introduces Lt. Gov. as 'sex star' at elem school. Apologizes later to students for phrase and to Lt Guv. who favors Barney Fife.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Volt Production Stops
GOV'T MOTORS halts production of Chevy Volt. With few sales and fire hazard, it's became known as the Chevy Goat.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Air Fares Going Up!
Record High Jet Fuel Prices Cause Spike in Airline Fares! Also, anything else they can think of.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Edward Wants Sex Tape
John Edwards asks judge not to destroy sex tape. "Might as well have something for all the trouble it's cost me."
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
125% Taxes Coming
President Obama says, should he be re-elected, he will raise taxes on the wealthy (those with more money than him), 125% to make up for past ten years.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Rafa Benitez on brink of replacing Andre Villas-Boas as Chelsea manager
Has he guaranteed Abramovitch a top four finish like he did to old employers Liverpool?
* (They finished 7th and he got sacked)
written by radiogagger, 04 March 2012
Cut duty on fuel..create 180,000 jobs Experts' view as diesel hits high
Cut fuel duty? Cameron? Hague? Osborne? The Coalition?
"Well that suggestion is doomed to be ignored!"
written by Inchcock, 04 March 2012
Man dies after accidentally drinking gasoline from salsa jar then lighting cigarette!
Gary Allen Banning, was taken to a local hospital late Monday after police responded to a 911 call from a resident reporting an apartment fire.
"Well, they say smoking is bad for your health!"
written by Inchcock, 04 March 2012
Cold & Slick
Areas of Europe have had an unusually cold snowy winter while the lot of the US had no winter. In fact, it has been so bad in areas of Russia that it is already being called "Ass-Buster 0f 2012!".
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
Saint Hairslick?
Big mix-up at the Vatican yesterday when coach Rick Patino of the Louisville Cardinals was declared to be a saint.
written by Bureau, 04 March 2012
