Police Warned To Watch Where They Taser!
Teenage thug, 16, Tasered in the testicles after attacking police officers while high on mephedrone, ruins their hearing, probably permanently!
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Old Pot Smokers Ramble A Lot!
Revealed: How smoking marijuana makes you loose your mammy by scrutilating your bean waves. Gnaw What I meant?
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Bush Weighs In On Limbaugh Statement
Former President George W. Bush: I've asked Rush Limbaugh to apologize for calling Sandra Slut a fluke!
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Also: Bop-She-Bop-She-Bop!
Study shows that old do-wop song lyrics had several meanings. For instance, "rama-lama-ding-dong" meant "I got some good stuff in my pocket for later."
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Mario Balotelli spotted coming out of strip club at 2.45
Whats the problem? Game doesn't kick off till 3...
* He left club at 2.45am. Game 3pm...
written by radiogagger, 03 March 2012
Terrorist To Pilot: I Got A Breast Pump Pointed At Your Head!
TSA forces woman to prove breast pump, breasts real!
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Americans Vote against Volts!
Government Motors lays off 1,300; Stops making Chevy Volts! Blames media, hundreds of Volt fires for low sales.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Spring Break, Beer/Pizza Geyers Coming Up!
With Spring Break coming up, this year's predicted top overheard phrase: "Guess what I got pierced?" Last year's, "I got a tattoo of WHO on my ass?" predicted for second place.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Rose At The Tracks
Pete Rose rumored to be heavily gambling again, this time on horses. "He lost thousands after betting on "Glue Boy" at 100-1", confirms track worker.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Sleeps In Seperate Bedroom
Mississippi man eats hot spicy food with beans every evening so his body noises will drown noise in his ears. "William Shatner told me about this. He has tinnitus also."
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Tennessee Williams Spins in Grave
Lassie (#17) to make a comeback in new updated movie classic, "Cold-Nosed Dog On A Hot Tin Rooooffff!"
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
"When is that old witch coming over? Arrrk!"
Arkansas man returns parrot to pet shop after it learned to immitate his rants against his mother-in-law while he was all alone.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Lawyer Says He Has A Case
Man arrested driving on Philly runway wants to sue plane that buzzed him deliberately.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
South Of Tornado Outbreak
Many experts at the Weather Channel now believe that many of our record tornado outbreaks may come directly from Rush Limbaugh's mouth.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Death Wish 999?
Report: Police Forces to 'outsource patrols'........sounds like Paulkersey@deathwish999.com to me!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 March 2012
Part time PM speaks! 2
Part time PM Cameron: "I will take the hit on NHS shake-up", fair enough Dave, but would you mind standing still long enough so that I can take you out at 400 yards mate!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 March 2012
Part time PM speaks!
Part time PM Cameron: "Austerity cuts are because we care"...pretty much like Adolf Hitler offering Jews 'cut price gas' back in the 1940's!
written by Herrdoktorfox, 03 March 2012
Limbaugh Upsets Obama, Dylan
After upsetting President Obama over remarks Thursday, Rush Limbaugh upsets Bob Dylan Friday by saying "He wanted to be what he was and not whatever, whatever!"
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
George W. Upset
Update: Iraqi defector admits that he was lying about Weapons of Mass Destruction claims. Also, that he is Israeli.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Drunjk Himself To Death
Family sues restaurant after obese son's kidneys failed while using "refills for free" policy.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Computer Sentenced to Two Years Of Being Unplugged
Computer on Jeopardy admits it was paid to submit a few funny and wrong answers. Claims it was only following orders.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Another Farm Bankrupt
Wind Farm declares bankruptcy after country's poor economy blowout!
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Why Is It Always Us?
Local couple at restaurant once again has to change tables after baby craps near them.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Andre Villas-Boas: I will never quit Chelsea
Roman Abramovitch to Bruce Buck: Ok, call security.
written by radiogagger, 03 March 2012
Michelle Obama Gets Apples Added To School Menu
Janitors say they find buckets of them in the trash cans and hurled out windows. "Maybe we should have educated them about what an apple is."
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Chris Huhne hires Harry Redknapp's legal team
When you too need a miracle worker, give John Kelsey Fry QC a call.
written by radiogagger, 03 March 2012
A Man Of His Words
Obama says he's not bluffing on Iran military option. "I have some new adjectives to use should they not shut down nuclear facilities."
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Anti-U.S. emotions run high at Afghan dogfighting ring!
US Presidents: Remember, these are kind, gentle people..except for the women-beatings.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
NFL: Saints Violated 'Bounty Rule'
$10,000 contract on leading opponents to knock them out of games according to leader of mutiny.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
How About Some Oil Drilling In The Meantime?
Obama: Fuel-efficient cars an answer to gas prices. Carter, Clinton, Bush: Fuel-efficient cars an answer to gas prices.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
BP To Pay Billions
BP expects to pay $7.8B in Gulf spill suit deal...over the next 50 years.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
So What's New About It?
Silence Gun: Strange weapon of the future immediately quiets you, whether you like it or not. Just like the old ones.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Limbaugh Pulls Publicity Chain Again
Obama rings up Limbaugh's 'slut,' Georgetown's Sandra Fluke!
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Why Not Mother Teresa?
President Obama compares himself with Ghandi, Nelson Mandela....Michael Jordan, Willie Mays!
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Abi Titmuss: 'I Sold My Soul To The Devil'
I'm sure she could have got a better price from News International.
written by radiogagger, 03 March 2012
Ringo in experiment
Ex Beatle Ringo Starr (Richard Starkey to his family) is to be the subject of a peculiar scientific experiment which will seek to increase the number of digits on his hand. More rings will ordered.
written by whatinthe world, 03 March 2012
Conservative Radio Host Limbaugh Loses Sponsor
A rep for French Tickler, 'The official prophylactic sponsor of the London 2012 Olympics', said, "We support the hundreds of millions of sluts who allow our product to enter their world"
written by JAB, 03 March 2012
Gran is fined £75 for littering: after a thread of cotton fell off her glove!
Valerie George, 71, was stunned when a council environment officer marched up to her and gave her a £75 fixed penalty fine!
It's true - read this!
written by Inchcock, 03 March 2012
German minister slammed, played Sudoku in Greek debate
"Well the state of the Europe is a puzzle to the Eurpean Minister's as well as me then!"
written by Inchcock, 03 March 2012
49% of UK adults can't do basic maths!
"And who's fault is that I wonder?"
written by Inchcock, 03 March 2012
H & S: Ban hot drinks at young mums' weekly coffee mornings!
Council chiefs say the Children's Centre in Stratford-upon-Avon, should not provide tea or coffee at the 90-minute meetings because of the danger to toddlers.
"Quiet right too - let them drink gin!"
written by Inchcock, 03 March 2012
Appeals Court Upholds Katrina Flood Ruling
Appeals court also upholds Kennedy assassination ruling but wants to give more thought on if there really was a coward at the Alamo. "These things take time", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Peeping Tom Arrested
A peeping tom was arrested in Nebraska Thursday night after being caught in the act. When asked why he was peeping into 80-year-olds window, he told police that they often watched the Playboy Channel.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
Can't Go Home Again
Son arrives at the old homestead with all his belongings just in time to see banker and sheriff escort parents out the door.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
We Both Rote Pomes
East Kentuckian believes he was "Bill Shakespeare" is a previous life.
written by Bureau, 03 March 2012
