GPS Tracking Disaster: Japanese Tourists Drive Straight into the Pacific!
"I tell driver, it looks deep", stated student who was riding in the back.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Papers reveal Thatcher kept Reagan's drawings from summit!
"Apparently he thought he was well-endowed!" she stated at the time.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
'Don't Re-Nig,' the racist anti-Obama bumper sticker, appears real!
"So is the Mor-Mon-y Than Sense!"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Investigation Into Several NCAA Teams Continues
That dark cloud you're seeing hanging over the NCAA basketball coaches is the revelation that several top college players have failed Pig Latin II, yet continue to be allowed to play.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Farrakhan Blames Jews for Ancient Slavery
They MADE those Egyptians put them into slavery just to get everyone's sympathy!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Funniest One That of Jimmy Carter Chased By A Rabbit
Margaret Thatcher managed to take possession of a set of doodles drawn by President Ronald Reagan during her time as prime minister.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Hunt On For New Archbishop Of Canterbury
'An intelligent, thoughtful scholar in post didn't work,' said an Anglican spokesman. 'We need a not too bright fundamentalist. Those with simple beliefs will approve, and others will show tolerance.'
written by Swan Morrison, 17 March 2012
Pope opens internal investigation into leaks!
Anyone seen facing a wall up-close or discovered squatting behind a bush anywhere near the Vatican will be arrested.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Beat The Bishop
Archbishop of Canterbury steps down.....gets better job offer at Poundland.
written by Herrdoktorfox, 17 March 2012
Guinea-Bissau has heads on poles after leader's death!
I'm sorry, that should be 'Guinea-Bissau heads to polls after leader's death!'
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Gingrich Talks Politics at the Zoo!
Takes a direct hit from big gorilla. Leaves to go take shots.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Man arrested, barred from city bus stops for being 'annoying'!
Al Gore claims that he was only trying to warn everyone about global warming.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
GOP primary heads offshore!
To regroup...spend a little time with their money.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Obama's search for a conservative justice to save his health-care law!
"It's getting harder and harder to turn down ten million dollars and a roll in next George Clooney film", says Justice Thomas.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
White House Spokesman Denies It!
A White House spokesman stated this morning that it is not true that all the people who attended Obama event this week had to kiss his ring.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
"Obama The Magnificent!"
President Obama to play himself in new campaign movies!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Hollywood to make film of stud muffin Ken Barlows love life
Jack Nicholson and Russell Brand rumoured to be up for the part of Ken.
written by radiogagger, 17 March 2012
George Clooney arrested in Sudan.
Russel Brand arrested in LA.
Actor shortage means call ups from the UK for Joe Swash and Ken Barlow.
written by radiogagger, 17 March 2012
Athletico Bilbao 2 Man United 1
Better than losing to Wigan Athletico I suppose.
written by radiogagger, 17 March 2012
Nuclear Weapons To Be Reduced
President Obama and President Putin to discuss destroying one-third of nuclear arsenal. "It's good for everyone", says President Obama. "At least a third of ours have been leaking for years."
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
NASA postpones launch of X-ray telescope!
Also, cancels launch of giant magnifying glass after UN outcry!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Libya confirms Gaddafi intelligence chief arrested!
Most of the world reacts with: "Gaddafi had an intelligence chief?"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Norfolk State, Lehigh lead memorable day of upsets!
Monkey with dart board jumps into the lead on March Madness predictions!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Oprah Winfrey's OWN network axes 'The Rosie Show'
"Host seemed to think she knew everything and everybody..unlike our Oprah!", says released statement.
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Must Be Taught in Classes!
Utah governor vetoes bill to curb sex education in schools bathrooms!
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
500,000 people pack Dublin for St. Patrick's Day!
Deny rumor going around that a few of them are drunk as a skunk! "May yore snake drop away froom ye fer sech a thot!"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
George Clooney arrested in front of Sudanese Embassy
"He's In The Jailhouse Now!"
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Cameron loses it
"Hey, that's my briefcase!" cried an exasperated British PM David Cameron as a street urchin stole his personal case whilst the UK leader ate at a restaurant. Cameron will hunt down and kill the guy.
written by whatinthe world, 17 March 2012
A New' Star
Apple cements tablet market lead with new iPad in front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre forecourt,
written by Bureau, 17 March 2012
Matador Gored Through Face Makes Comeback
Juan Jose Padilla the 38-year-old was injured when the bull's horn ripped into his lower jaw and emerged next to his eyeball.
"Some blokes are more horny than others it seems!"
written by Inchcock, 17 March 2012
Abandoned Fukushima Pets Face Harsh Winter
Pets bandoned in the Fukushima exclusion zone after last year's nuclear crisis, have survived high radiation and lack of food, only to face freezing winter conditions!
"Life's 'orrible sometimes!"
written by Inchcock, 17 March 2012
79-year-old Lottery winner in Nottingham
He said in the local newspaper:
"Funny innit, how I've been struggling on me own fer years, un suddenly everyone wants to help and talk to me - **** em all!
written by Inchcock, 17 March 2012
A Quid Pro Quo
A citizen of Maryland asked the Democratic governor to scratch an itch he had, while the governor had his hand in the taxpayer's pocket taking new taxes to cover previous mismanagement of funds!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
I Knew Nothing
President Obama has shut down drilling for oil/gas on US government land, off coastal shores, in Alaska and the Gulf of Mexico. Yet the president claims he is not responsible for high gasoline prices!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
The Great Divider
President Obama has divided the American public on every economic and social issue that he gets involved in. The question then, is he incompetent or actually trying to destroy the USA!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Latest Scientific Poop
Veterinarians have discovered that during house-training, puppies prefer liberal newspapers to conservative newspapers to do their business on!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Heredity is Responsible
Maryland's Democratic governor had ancestors who were horse thieves. Heredity then explains why the governor keeps taking the funds from the Transportation Trust Fund to use for other things!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Where's the Water?
From a non-Californian's prospective it appears that more political BULLSHIT is flowing between Congressional Republicans and Democrats than water flowing to drought stricken farmers.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Lost on Planet Earth
Webster's International Dictionary defines clueless as being the Obama administration's foreign policy towards Afghanistan. They have no idea how Afghani's think and that gets US troops killed!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Geography Lesson
The latest edition of Encyclopedia Britannica indicates that Afghanistan may be the anus of the world, although Iran, Iraq and North Korea are also suspect!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
There's a Name for That
Male Occupy Washington DC protestors in favor of female contraceptives are planning to demonstrate outside the US Capitol by wearing condoms over their heads!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Missed Something
Undocumented children of illegal immigrants ask congress to give them in-state college tuition rates. Seems a high school class in the US Constitution, 10th amendment, was missed!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Loves Those Gyros
President Obama, who likes European socialism, is planning to move to Greece after he leaves office in January 2013!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Dolphins are Smart
The dolphins at Sea World have told PETA to leave them alone and to donate all the money collected by PETA to help US children who haven't got enough food to eat!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Say a Prayer for the New Guy
When President Obama leaves office in January 2013, 40 million Americans will be unemployed, gasoline will be $6.00 per gallon and 20,000 new regulations will be in place!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
No Taxpayer Money Will be Involved, Maybe
President Obama plans to work for Goldman Sachs, as a venture capitalist, after he leaves office in January 2013 based on his Solyndra experience!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Render Unto Caesar
Twenty eight states have figured out how to allow church and religious institutions exceptions for conflicts of conscious with government mandates. Only the leader of the free world remains befuddled!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Overregulation Perhaps
Military standards tried to aid in the design of military equipment built by private contractors, yet federal government regulations tend to hinder private businesses, energy companies, banks etc!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 17 March 2012
Premier League Managers survey
Two thirds think Man City will win title.
Most say Spurs are best team to watch.
Kenny Dalglish mumbles the most.
written by radiogagger, 17 March 2012
