NASA - Doing Their Bit!
NASA have launched their tallest rocket to date. The rocket is so tall that it reaches halfway to the moon and so it will require less fuel to reach it, thereby cutting down on its' carbon footprint.
written by IN SEINE, 28 October 2009
David Tennant Discards Cell Phone, Moves
LONDON - Actor David Tennant today threw his cell phone into the Thames and moved out of the country. On an unrelated note, Interpol is searching for a person of interest from the Chicago, IL area.
written by Geneva Slim, 28 October 2009
David Tennant Unlists His Private Phone Number
LONDON - Actor David Tennant has unlisted his home phone number. Rumors that it somehow was obtained by an American madwoman remain unconfirmed.
written by Geneva Slim, 28 October 2009
David Tennant Denies Engagement
LONDON - Actor David Tennant has denied being engaged to an American woman of questionable mental acuity. "I have no idea who this Geneva Slim is, and we're NOT engaged. But I hear she is stunning."
written by Geneva Slim, 28 October 2009
Ivanka Trump Merges
New Yawk, NY - The Donald announces that his daughter, The Ivanka, has merged with The Jared, otherwise known as The Luckiest Bastard On The Face Of The Earth.
written by Geneva Slim, 28 October 2009
Agassi talks bollox after crystal meth
After admitting taking crystal meth in 1997. Andre Agassi told reporters. "I man cool. fuck bright meal. Ha! Constable find green helicopter mash pelican."
written by nigmuncher, 28 October 2009
Andre supped from the crystal glass
Andre Agassi drank metholated spirits in 1997. So what, I bet it just gave him the shits
written by nigmuncher, 28 October 2009
Yoboseyo!
Ahnio hasayo? Isn't it about time that we focused less on Hispanics who already get enough attention, and more on other groups, like the Koreans? I mean, them slants are as fun to mock as spics, no?
written by unknown
ESL is hard
The word sound "ryte" has six meanings and four spellings. Right/Correct, Right/Direction, Right/political. Rite/religious, Write/enscribe, Wright/as in play or wain. Aren't you glad you knew that?
written by unknown
Advice to wives
When he says it's a business trip, but you find the passport app, the ticket to Thailand, and the reservation at LadyBoy Delight Hotel, you may need to rethink your stance on condom use in a marriage.
written by unknown
Religion in schools?
Some are wondering if the time spent from K through 12 learning Greco-Roman mythology might be better spent on science or math. After all, how does knowing Zeus and Hera were siblings really help?
written by unknown
Fee Figh Foh Fum
Just doesn't seem as scary now as when one was three or four years old, reports a new survey. The same survey also found a marked decline in caring about the fate of Goldilocks past the age of five.
written by unknown
Over 2,000 hits on the "Jennifer Aniston nude pic exclusive"?
"WTF", says TheSpoof writer Alexandria. "Don't tell me two thousand plus folks actually thought they were going to see nude pics of her here, did they? Well, they're right, of course. Fully nude."
written by unknown
"I still know what you did last summer XIV" to be released
Yet while he does know what you did last summer, the critics are saying that it's not as dramatic as in the previous 13 movies, as the statute of limitations has long since ran out.
written by unknown
Music industry worried
It has been mathematically shown that the number of ways to arrange music notes is finite, so that soon every song possible to write will be wrote. "Fortunately", it was said, "We'll still have rap."
written by unknown
Local housewife may be in trouble
"Samantha!", said Darren Stevens, a local ad executive, "Have you been doing witchcraft again?" To which the winsome witch reportedly said, "Well...!" and looked adorably cute while saying it.
written by unknown
It's a sad day in America...
"Is shore uh sad day in Uhmerrycuh", says John Q. Redneck, "When a sportsman like Larry Johnson cain't call a fag a fag. Makes me ashamed to be an Uhmerryken. In mah pappy's day, we'd a been proud."
written by unknown
Pilots who overshot airport lose license
Said FAA official Dave Miscavage, "Everyone knows they weren't on their laptops, more like on each other's laps. This 'don't ask, don't tell' policy is killing us - and almost killed the passengers."
written by unknown
Alcoholic bum makes happy discovery
A bum discovered that while a cheap 1.75 liter bottle of Brandy can be had for about $20, the same amount of Gin can be had for about $11. He's a bit fuzzy on the math, but is sure this is good!
written by unknown
Military directive outrages detainees
In order to quell tensions that are at times violently expressed, the President signed a directive ordering that all Gitmo detainees be masturbated twice daily by GIs who are clearly "not telling".
written by unknown
"One Hit Wonder"
Asteroid around 30 feet across hits Earth's atmosphere at 45,000 mph and blows up over Indonesia with a force of 50,000 tons of TNT without saying "Hello".
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
"See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil"
Or as Obama might say, "Just do what I tell you - or else".
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
"Life Is What You Make It"
Yes, three of those and a mince pie. 'Can I have two five dollar bills in the change - thank you.'
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
Gordon Brown's Brain
Made up of proteins with right-handed helices in series with left-handed helices of equal length
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
The Reason behind the Beatles First Song
Beatles wrote their first song because there had to be a first Beatle song.
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
If There Was a World like Ours
On a Planetopoly board game with a card that read: visit earth, abduct the inhabitants, frighten them with silly costumes and drill holes in their teeth - TO PASS GO AND COLLECT $200 Plutos.
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
"The Freman of Arrakis Have a Saying" (mutated from DUNE by FH)
Water is the origin of life, the discovery of electricity changed the world, and Jenson Button winning Formula One means there is a God.
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
The World Is Arguably In a Downward Spiral
On the up side Amy Winehouse had a boob job.
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
Recipe for Life
Written in invisible ink or white lettering as follows:
written by Tcoah, 28 October 2009
When she divorces you...
It won't be for you having slept with her sister once, or for you losing your savings on an internet investment gone bad. No, it will be the dirty underwear that you insist on leaving on the floor.
written by unknown
Little Boy has "flash of genius" for Poptart industry
"Make 'em without the edges.", said Conner Franklin, age 8. "Only the part with filling and icing is good." Citizens of all ages and across America yelled out as one, "Amen!"
written by unknown
Learn to Speak Korean Now!
That's not an offer. It's a command!
written by Adam Click, 28 October 2009
Call Them Lucky
The Jones's returned from vacation to find a tornado had leveled their burned down house. Reporters were on hand to congratulate them about the two trillion barrel oil discovery under the property.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 October 2009
History Could Repeat Itself
A Vatican decision makes it easier for Anglicans to convert. A Lutheran decision would make it easier for Catholics to convert. Didn't events like these occur prior to a few religious wars?
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 October 2009
Texting While Flying
Northwest pilots were to be ticketed for "texting while flying" a jet airplane. However, the lawyer's pointed out that at the time, the airplane was over a state that has no such texting law!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 October 2009
Policy Change
A civil liberties organization changes its position on jury trials for terrorists. The group now says that persons exploding a bomb in a shopping center full of civilians should be shot immediately!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 October 2009
Productivity Improvement
The Obama administration has asked businesses to ban employees from using the restrooms during working hours. An increase in productivity of greater than 8 billion man hours per year is achievable.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 28 October 2009
