Friend of Recently Deceased Weirdo Wipes Man's Hard Drive
"It's what he would have wanted", said the friend.
written by Rev. D. Sausage, 14 October 2009
Awww, Ain't that Cute?
A California woman who set the world record by giving birth to eight kids has taken in a baby monkey who nurses with them.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
We're All Something-Headed!
Prince Harry has apologized once again, this time to the minister from Pakistan, for his recent remarks caught on tape about Pakis. Rag heads no worse than "red headed, like a dick on a dog!"
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Michelle's Mother Would Kill Us!
Former President Bush's ratings are up to 39% as more comedy writers struggle with funny Obama insults.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
May Shave Head!
John Edwards says he will not run for president in 2012. Cites 5% approval of women voters, down from 50% last year.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Obama Wins Another One!
President Barack Obama today won the $32Million Super Lotto!
Rush Limbaugh fills his pants while on the air. Brown liquid covers lens of Ditto-Cam!
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
"I Do That"
Hilary Clinton told a reporter that not only did she "misspoke" about Bosnian attack but also at her wedding with Bill.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Swine Flu Shot Side Effects
Woman claims Flu shot gave me a neurological disorder as she does the hokey pokey all over the waiting room at clinic.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Mudslide Menace Eases
Mudslide menace eases in California as storm weakens, fires go out, earthquakes settle down, Schwarzenegger kept off trampoline.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Britain May Add 500 Troops
Britain may offer 500 troops, with strings attached. "Nothing more than puppets", claims Taliban.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
NKorean Dongs Down
Despite longer Dong Missile launches, North Korea seen as reaching, poking out a bit.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Quite Hurricane Season
Quiet Atlantic hurricane season is a boon for most insurers. "Personally I was all set for a bailout", states one.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Dow, Davy Jones Break Things
Dow Jones breaks through 10,000. Davy breaks through bedroom window with fist after rant over other members of the Monkees!
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Pope sanctifies Obama
The Pope just announced the latest new Saints, and Barack Obama was at the top of the list. "It's a gesture of hope, that one day he will actually deserve it. Sorry, Mother Teresa. Not this time."
written by unknown
Mammoth Energy Deal
Russia, China are closer to Mammoth energy deal after huge prehistoric elephant graveyard, now turned to fossil fuel, discovered.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Infamous dictator, Spoofer Jesus Budda goes it alone!
Jesus Budda that infamous spoofer and weirdo, has broken ranks and set up his own "Spoofing Forum" the rest of the Spoof readership offered their condolences and said good fucking riddance!
written by unknown
Just Doesn't Add Up
Sluggish results seen in US student's math scores, visits to the school bathrooms.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Halo Over Moscow
Mystery 'Halo' cloud spotted over Moscow! "Shows that we are the good guys", claims Putin!
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
New Da Vinci Drawing?
Art Experts find possible new Leonardo Drawing stuck on old ice box door buried in basement.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
British Union of Masturbators in Uproar
The British Union of Masturbators(B.U.M)is in uproar after Kandy Rain were sacked from the X Factor. Trout Bulging of B.U.M said, "We just can't bash one out over John & Edward, bring back the Rain!"
written by Ulver, 14 October 2009
Gateley injuries Boxing related say Spanish Police
Jose Greazer Police Chief for Spanish Gay Matters has announced that Stephen Gateley's death may be boxing related, "We have ze evidence zat Stephen may have been battered in ze Ring!" he announced.
written by Ulver, 14 October 2009
Cheney Helping Women Come Forth
New study reveals that over 300,000 women have came forward after VP Cheney shot hunter in the face, saying that they too have been shot in the face by their own husbands.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
New Poetry Class For OJ?
Writer Maya Angelou is working on getting poetry clubs started in several of our nation's prisons. However, the idea thus far is 50/50 among Pros and Cons.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
"Come Here, Turdhopper"
Most students of "Hung Pooh" say that it is the nastiest type of fighting they have ever encountered.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Most Popular Costume Different This Year
Most popular costume this year: One of a giant turd where you can fill in your own, "Hi, I'm ______" (Bernie Madoff, Simon Cowell, O.J.)
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Looks Like Osama, Alright
Scientists say Hubble Telescope may have discovered Osama Bin Laden aboard international space station. Photos are being re-examined.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
"I think I'm Clean!"
High School football captain's "If I were a woman, I'd have sex with any of you guys" panics rest of the team in the shower.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
I'm Knoxed Up Again
Knoxville, Tennessee woman with 14 kids complains to neighbor that she spends her life tied down during the day and tied up at night.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Not Cliffy I Hope
Boston police arrest drunk pissing behind bar building who kept yelling, "Amber Alert! Amber Alert!" at passersby.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Wreck of Hesperus found in Lancashire canal
British Waterways chiefs were said to be agog at the news that the 'Wreck of the Hesperus' had been found lying in a shallow basin on the Leeds and Liverpool canal near Chorley, Lancashire, England.
written by nigmuncher, 14 October 2009
Don't Poo Poo Voodoo!
Native head shrinking voodoo curse completely believed by those people with small minds.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Wreck of Hesperus found in Lancashire canal
British Waterways chiefs were said to be agog at the news that the 'Wreck of the Hesperus' had been found lying in a shallow basin on the Leeds and Liverpool canal near Chorley, Lancashire, England.
written by nigmuncher, 14 October 2009
Calling Guinness Now
Missouri man who can put entire cantaloupe in his cheeks says he always did have a huge ass.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
A Little Privacy Please
"The victim's family would like to be by themselves for awhile", announce reporters, cameramen, publicity agent, guy scheduled to play famous victim in upcoming movie.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
"Look, One Wet My Pantleg"
"Attention WallyMart shoppers, there's a lady in aisle three that is asking for help in disciplining her completely wild two, three, five and seven-year-olds by getting them off the tops of shelves."
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Medical Marijuana Restrictions Placed
New Medical Marijuana restrictions declared to be "Not Groovy", "Far Out" and "Bummer".
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Extra Cleaners Hired
Theater managers complain that the scary movie, Paranormal Activity, is leaving theater seats in worse shape than viewings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show!
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Another GOP Embarrassment
Still another Republican politician caught in compromising position as photo snapped as he lay on the ground having been shot in the face while on bird hunt with Cheney.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Oldest Joke Discovered
It is dated by experts in 1224 BC, about a potatoe and a vice-chief in Brazil.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Three Necked, Also
Yet another lost tribe in the Amazon has proved a fake. Leader reveals they were approached in 1988 by the tabloids after three-headed baby giraffe born there.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Nope, Not Mine
Former President Bill Clinton receives old opened box of cigars from his desk by Obama aid. Clinton sniffed one and says they are not authentic.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
New Movie Pushes a Head
Ted Williams frozen head to star in upcoming movie, "2010: A Face Odyssey".
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
But Not Salt!
Cut yourself? Tribal remedy of sprinkling SUGAR on wound heals it faster, especially with diabetics.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
MI5 Paid Mussolini
MI5 paid Benito Mussolini '£6,000 a week' during World War I to peddle British propaganda, Hitler snubbed.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Pass The "Bong!" please.
New York family fined for setting dinner gong next to phone during dinner hours as thirty telemarketers now deaf in one ear.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Now We Get It!
Nobel Peace prize explains that President Obama received the award for his accomplishments. When asked what accomplishment, he answered, "Well for one thing, he's already won the Nobel Peace Prize!"
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Another Madoff?
'Beano', or 'Little Bernie' the top City financier disappears amid allegations he owes investors £70million.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Fake Disabilities Revealed
Just one in six incapacity benefit claimants 'is genuine' as tough new test reveals TWO MILLION could be cheating, chopping off their toes at this very moment.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Robotic Prostrate Surgery
Robotic prostate surgery may mean big trade-off: Prostrate removal versus free membership in the Dead-Pecker Club.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
No Longer Amused
National Amusements sell shares of Viacom, CBS. "We are no longer amused at huge loses", says spokesman.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Apparently There Is Some Stress Involved
VA to ease way for vets to get stress disability. "NOW you help us", say 40-year depressed Korean, Vietnam vets.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Those Other Billionaires Wrong
Dem foe says billionaire NYC mayor buys support, "unlike our Kennedy's from Massachusetts."
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Kim Wants Duck At Conference
US-NKorea talks hinge on renewed six-party process involving Kim's favorite Warner Brothers star, Daffy Duck. Joe Biden heading there in duck outfit.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
First Things First!
House panel to begin push on financial overhaul. "First of all, we all get a raise", panel sends out word.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
California Mud Victims
A storm packing strong winds & rain drenched fire-scarred hillsides around California as residents from north to south braced for possible mudslides. "First politicians, now this!", say mud victims.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
B Vitamins Don't Help heart?
No evidence B vitamins protect the heart. Might as well dump all those foods with B vitamins say authorities.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Low In Colorado
Colorado minimum wage to drop as living costs fall, after reaching a Colorado Mountain High!
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Moon's Mass Wedding
Rev. Wed performs biggest mass mooning in decade. I'm sorry, that should be Moon performs biggest mass wedding in ten years.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
First Grader's Suspension Withdrawn
Delaware 1st grader has 45-day suspension for taking camp spoof, knife gadget to school lifted after agreeing to public service work, dusting erasers.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Guv's Wife Breaks New Law
Schwarzenegger to Shriver: Put down the cell phone while driving. Shriver: Enjoy your night on the couch.(Click)
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Nobel Jury Defends Goofball Award
In rare public comments, Nobel jury defends Obama pick. "We thought giving this Award to him would make us popular too."
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Afghan Corruption Brings Worries
Afghan corruption worries US Military Chief McChrystal. "Te politicians here are almost as corrupt as those in the US."
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Swine Flu Hits Health Care Talks
Health care talks slip back behind closed doors as Senate leaders try to merge very different bills into a new version that can get the votes needed to guarantee its passage, isolated with Swine Flu!
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Obama Wasn't Born In The USA - Nor Was He Born On The Third Rock From The Sun
"It's kind of funny," said Bloomberg, Mayor of New York City, "There are folks complaining that Obama was not born in the USA when in fact Obama was not born on the Earth at all!"
written by Tcoah, 14 October 2009
Stephen Gately Died by Natural Causes
Tabloid press forced to shelve whole week's planned news stories.
written by Rev. D. Sausage, 14 October 2009
SNL: No More Humor
Saturday Night Live has decided to drop it's humor format and go straight to campaigning for Obama's health care plan.
written by Bureau, 14 October 2009
Heckle and Jeckle Find a Cause
Reverends Jackson and Sharpton, two lame ducks, have found a cause. The two old crows are grousing about Rush Limbaugh, possibly buying the Rams football franchise. They both deserve to get the bird!
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 October 2009
Silence at the United Nations
UN approves of homicide car bombs as the weapon of choice for terrorists by being silent! The UN Human Rights Council doesn't get upset when innocent civilians are murdered in this manner.
written by Philbert of Macadamia, 14 October 2009
