MUSKEGON, Michigan – (Satire News) – A fisherman has just discovered what is believed to be the last existing Nipple Fish in existence.
Andrew “Fishy” Attapooni, 47, caught the fish which is believed to be 7-million-years-old.
He said he was using a special type of bait that is used to catch great white sharks, and he was shocked when he saw that he had reeled in a Teat Fish, as Nipple Fish are called in the deltas of Mississippi.
Attapooni, quickly alerted the Lake Michigan Department of Fish, who confiscated the fish (which was still alive) and they will conduct all kinds of tests on it; including checking to see how much mercury content it has, and whether it has any of the same bodily qualities as say a sardine, a sturgeon, or a goldfish has.
Andy says that he has already been contacted by several television news shows which want him and the Nipple Fish to appear together.
He did comment that he will not appear with Tucker Carlson on account of the fact that Tucker has a weird, almost zombiesque-look about him.
Meanwhile, Attapooni’s little 4-year-old daughter, Mistletoe, has nicknamed the Nipple Fish, Milky Way.