Fauci flees to Canada; detained at border for interview with Tucker Carlson

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 30 May 2021

image for Fauci flees to Canada; detained at border for interview with Tucker Carlson
Fauci explains

Breaking: Washington insiders report a dynamic new development in the affairs of Mr. Biden's health advisor, Anthony Fauci.

Apparently, Dr. Fauci was considering time-off in Canada when border officials sequestered him at an EconoLodge motel for further processing.

Rumor has it that Mr. Trudeau muttered: “Let them work out their squabbles in their own country.”

This remark might have followed disclosure that Tucker Carlson had immediately put together a crew and repaired to the motel for an interview.

“Let me be clear,” Dr. Fauci said, right away in the interview, holding up fingers on both hands to indicate he was putting quotation marks around important phrasing.

“I was thinking of a little vacation in Canada, not a request for political asylum!”

Speculation has it that Senator Rand Paul's investigation of Dr. Fauci, which Mr. Carlson has been paying attention to on FOX News, precipitated Dr. Fauci's action.

“Not at all,” Dr. Fauci said, again holding up two fingers on each hand for some reason. “I am mentally exhausted. That's all it is.”

Mr. Carlson then asked if Dr. Fauci could offer insight into the currently very controversial “gain-of'-function” research controversy.

“Gain-of-function” research has been taking place in China at a lab with US influence, including funding and an executive role from Dr. Fauci.

“Gain-of-function” means working with dangerous pathogens as to how they can further be utilized or controlled.

Recent mainstream news is now more heavily persuaded that the covid virus escaped from this lab, rather than being a case of jumping from an animal in a wet market in China.

Would Mr. Fauci please explain “gain-of-function”? Mr. Carlson asked.

Using two fingers on each hand again, Dr. Fauci stated that “gain-of-function” and “gain-of-wealth” were entirely unrelated, versus what some critics had been saying.

“That would mean “gain-of-health” research, then?” Mr. Carlson again.

“No, no, no, did I say that? Let me emphasize—not 'gain-of-wealth'”!

“No, I said 'gain-of-health,'” Mr. Carlson said, now also holding up two fingers on each hand to indicate the phrasing.

“Well, as I said, I'm mentally exhausted. I misheard and misspoke.”

The Fauci party and the Carlson party then decided to repair to a Burger King on the edge of the motel parking lot for refreshments.

“Does 'mentally exhausted' have quotation marks around it?” Mr. Carlson was heard asking as they went out the door.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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