Uncle Ben’s Converted Rice Is Getting a Brand New Name

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 18 June 2020

image for Uncle Ben’s Converted Rice Is Getting a Brand New Name
Rumor has it that Uncle Ben's Rice was legendary blonde actress Marilyn Monroe's favorite food.

HOUSTON – In keeping with racially-correct product themes and names, the company that produces Uncle Ben’s Converted Rice has decided to rename their extremely popular product.

In fact, recent studies have shown that Uncle Ben's Rice is the most popular-selling rice in the entire world, including rice-producing countries such as China, Thailand, Vietnam, and Egypt.

The parboiled rice product was first introduced to the nation on August 13, 1943, at the Dixie Belle Plantation House Diner in Houston.

The diner was torn down 19 years ago to make room for the General Stonewall Jackson Pride and Joy Motel.

The ironic thing about the diner is that it was originally owned by a black couple, and back then blacks were not allowed in the establishment.

The man on the box was chosen from over 3,900 negroes, (as they were known back then).

After a process of extensive elimination, the man chosen to appear on the box was Frank “Gimme Da Ball” Brown, a Chicago maître d’ and part-time semi-pro basketball player with the Houston Hurricane Hunters.

Throughout the years Uncle Ben’s Rice has become the popular nutritional fiber go-to food for such notables as Paul McCartney, Beto O’Rourke, the Houston Astros, Sofia Vergara, and Ellen DeGeneres’ gorgeously sexy 47-year-old wife, Portia de Rossi.

The new, as yet unofficial, name is “Gimme Da Ball Unconverted Rice.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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