A List of 10 Celebrity New Year’s Resolutions For 2022

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 14 January 2022

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Britney Spears has just recorded her latest song, it's titled, "Oops! I Almost Fucked Up Again!"

A LIST OF 10 CELEBRITY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2022

- TAYLOR SWIFT – She wants to get at least three new boyfriends by Valentine's Day, so she can break up with them, and write her first three hit songs of the year.

- DONALD TRUMP – Vows to move back into the White House, even if he has to cheat like a son-of-a-bitch to do it.

- KANYE WEST – He wants to stop thinking about Kim Kardashian’s astoundingly sexy ass and how stupid he was to let that fine piece of ass get away.

- DEMI LOVATO – She wants to stop feeling so damn sorry for herself and to get herself into a full-blown lesbian relationship.

- BRITNEY SPEARS – To become as famous again as she was before the fucking drugs kicked her ass.

- MITCH McCONNELL – To get surgery so that he no longer looks like the ugly damn turtle that he looks like.

- MELANIA TRUMP – To take lessons in order to loose her awful Slovenian accent.

- MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE – To have a botox procedure done so that she no longer looks as fucking ugly as Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

- SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS – To get major botox so she doesn’t look as ugly as Marjorie Taylor Greene.

- MILEY CYRUS – To try and find a way to once again become relevant.

The Spoof would like to thank the following news agencies and individuals for helping to compile this list: BuzzFuzz, Vox Populi, Andy Cohen, LaLaLand Daily, The Scuttlebutt Review, VP Harris, Zydeco Dupree, Tittle Tattle Tonight, and Kate Gosselin.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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