NEW YORK CITY – (Magazine Satire) - The woman who has interviewed more famous people than even Barbara Walters, recently sat down with a man who says he came very close to becoming America’s first king, Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump.
OPRAH: Well hello Mr. Trump and how are you feeling today sir?
TRUMP: You can call me Mr. President.
OPRAH: Ahh, well that ain’t gonna happen sucka! So pick up your friggin’ inflated ego and toss it out in the damn hall where it belongs.
TRUMP: My, oh my, are you one of them uppities or what?
OPRAH: Let me tell you something buttface. If you didn’t have your six secret service agents here with you, I’d kick your rhino-looking ass all over this room.
TRUMP: Oh yeah, well I can beat the heck out of you with just one of my hands.
OPRAH: You mean with one of your little, itty, bitty, BABY hands don’t cha?
TRUMP: Bitch!
OPRAH: Bastard!
TRUMP: Look Ms. O, you asked me how I’m feeling. And so let me tell you. Truth be told –
OPRAH: Whoa! What? Truth be told? Bubba you wouldn’t know the truth if it snuck up behind you in the shower, and bit you on your tiny, toddler bibidy boo, that’s weeny to you Bozo.
TRUMP: Please don’t interrupt me. Let me try it again. You asked me how I was feeling? Well, I’m feeling like I got the election stolen from me. I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like no one believes me when I say that I’m not a sexual predator, and I’m afraid that no one believes that I’m not a Nazi, and just about every kind, decent American thinks that I’m a sick, pathological liar. And on top of all that shit, Melania is refusing to give me any nookie (pussy), but other than that, I’m as happy as a fucking pig in a mud puddle. And how are you Opal?
OPRAH: My names Oprah.
TRUMP: That’s what I said…Opal.
OPRAH: Okay, before I move on, tell me are you hard of hearing? Are you stupid? or are you just being your usual mothereffing son-of-a-bitch difficult, low-life self?
TRUMP: Hey there’s no need to call me names, afterall I am the least racist person you know.
OPRAH: BULLSHIT! You orange complected tax-evading bastard! That's exactly what you told Don Lemon four years ago, and the little, black wimp just stayed silent. Well this big old black woman ain’t gonna stay silent! And for your info, and that means information dumbass, you are THE MOST RACIST, RACIST THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN!!! and that includes racist assholes like Gov. George Wallace of Alabama, Gov. Lester Maddox of Georgia, and Gov. Greg Abbott of Texas
TRUMP: Well at least I’m not as bad as Adolf Hitler.
OPRAH: Hmmmmm. Let me just say that you're close...your real damn close! So tell me you unadulterated fool, are you still planning on running for president in 2024.
TRUMP: Oh yes, In fact, just yesterday, I took $3.7 million from my Donald J. Trump Charities Fund and I transferred it over to my 2024 Donald J. Trump Presidential Campaign Fund.
OPRAH: Donald Jonathan! fella, you know you can’t do that shit!
TRUMP: Well, I just did Beyonce.
OPRAH: Well let me just say this about that. Ex-friends of yours like Michael Cohen, Jeff Sessions, Ann Coulter, Mitch McConnell, and Stormy Daniels have all said that you will soon be wearing an orange jumpsuit and you will be sitting in Sing Sing Prison until you turn 97.
TRUMP: Well I got news for you Opera. I ain’t going to prison, no way, no how, nope!
OPRAH: And just how can you be so sure?
TRUMP: Because pretty soon, me and Ivanka are going to both escape to Scotland.
OPRAH: Hmmmmm.
TRUMP: Bye Opal.
OPRAH: Bye Felicia.
SIDENOTE: Las Vegas oddsmakers say the chances of Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump going to prison are 97 in 100.
