Exclusive: Pope Francis Talks to the Beatles Channel

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Saturday, 15 May 2021

image for Exclusive: Pope Francis Talks to the Beatles Channel
His Holiness talks Beatles

The beloved, down-to-earth, everyman leader of Catholicism Pope Francis, sat down this past week with Dennis Elsas and Bill Flanagan on their weekly show. The Fab Forum is a fan favorite, broadcast on the Beatles Channel.

Yours truly was also there and, although they forbid me asking questions — or any speaking whatsoever for that matter, I was able to capture a fascinating exchange. The pope’s words were translated by the now aging hipster priest Father Guido Sarducci of Saturday Night Live fame, who said he was honored to come out of retirement to help out. Enjoy!

The Beatles Channel: Good morning to you Your Holiness, I can’t tell you what an honor it is to have you on our show!

Pope Francis: Thank you very much boys.

BC: Your Holiness you’re widely known as The People’s Pope. We were wondering how much your love of the Beatles had to do with that?

PF: I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking me.

BC: Ha ha ok, maybe I’m jumping the gun here just a bit Holy Father. Let me start by asking you if you like the Beatles and maybe you can tell us how much you like them if you can?

PF: Oh yes, I was, and still am a big fan! I was in my 20’s when they became popular and they were, how you say, on fire in Buenos Aires and in Chile where I studied and worked. I remember I was teaching high school at the time and all the children as well as many of my fellow teachers were big fans.

BC: Ahh interesting, so you taught music and used some Beatles music in your classes?

PF: No, I taught literature and psychology, not music.

BC: Oh I see, pardon me. So let me ask you Holy Father, how much did you like the Beatles?

PF: I liked them very much. Like I’ve told you, they seemed to be everywhere during that time. It was a real craze.

BC: So, would you say then Your Holiness, that you were a bigger fan than most?

PF: How can I know that? I told you I liked them very much…

BC: All righty then, let’s try a different track. We were given a chart of some very interesting facts about you and your life.Um...let’s see here….you studied philosophy and are a trained chemist. That’s interesting! Oooh, you used to be a bouncer — that’s amazing! You owned a Harley, wow! Sounds like you were a real tough guy Your Holiness! But is see you DO have a softer side too, you also like taking selfies, you tango, and you once had a girlfriend who was possibly the love of your life. Incredible! Let me ask you about her. Was she a big Beatles fan?

PF: I don’t really know. When she was in my life it was quite a few years before the Beatles were popular.

BC: Uh huh, ok I see. It also says here that you recently invited several homeless men to one of your birthday parties, which is an amazing, beautiful tribute of kindness and compassion Your Holiness. Let me ask you, because both of us here at the Beatles Channel would love to know, were many of those homeless men Beatles fans? And might you have played some Beatles numbers at your birthday party?

PF: I’d say that some of them must have liked the Beatles yes. As for the music, I’m sure we played some Beatles songs at the party, but I’m sorry I can’t remember, it was almost five years ago in 2016.

BC: Ok fine….maybe they played the “Birthday song”? Or “It’s Johnny’s Birthday”?

PF: Yes, it’s surely possible.

BC: Fascinating! Well, it’s been a real honor for us Your Holiness! I want to wish you all the best, especially in your work on behalf of the downtrodden as well as the message of love that you carry everywhere, which we can say is also the message of the Beatles…ooh, and I just remembered, we meant to ask you about Jesus too! A few items like the Lennon-Jesus controversy…you know the “we’re more popular than Jesus” thing, also we wanted to ask you in general terms about the Jesus-Beatles connection. Not to mention your thoughts on the Netflix “Two Popes” movie, which in fact also has a little-known Beatles connection. You’ll have to promise us you’ll come back for another visit with us Your Holiness.

PF: I will do my best. Bless you boys. I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart*.

*Fab Forum hosts told me that final sentiment was from Father Guido Sarducci.

Note to fans: There was no word on when the next papal visit to the Beatles Channel may come about but we will keep you posted.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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