From the quill of Nancy Pelosi, [with apologies to Henry V and William Shakespeare.]
To Attorney General Barr:
Thou should doubt not that your loyal opposition in this House will prevail in our effort to obtain an unredacted copy of the Mueller Report, one unlike the bogus volume you previously sent up, full of breaches where your ebon liquid had hidden the true meaning of your investigator.
Your obstructive behavior has placed a formidable Trump-like wall between us and the truth, but despite your attempts to stonewall our request for your appearance at this House, we shall appeal to the Three Old Women on the Supreme Court for rectification. The Battle at that Aging Court will end in total victory for our demand for an unbreached report.
You also have stonewalled our request for your appearance before our Judiciary Committee, to be queried by our staff attorneys. Doubtless you thought you could bewilder our committee members by setting your teeth and stretching the truth. Or, when that failed, you would simply sheath your mouth for lack of argument.
Sir, "dishonor not your office" was the standard of your predecessors, but your mantra has been to bend up the truth from morn to even, and to justify your associates untruths, and to teach them to lie. Need I remind you that nothing becomes a man as much as modesty ad humility when facing a great crisis. Instead of that, from you we have the start of another hundred years war. But, sir, when the blast of war blows on our ears, we imitate the actions of the tiger.
Doubt not the will of grosser men than thou, for you do indeed hold us as less worthy than those within whose veins runs conservative blood.
Be a man! Let us pry through the breachless minutia of that report. Send up a copy now to we men of grosser blood than thou and thy president, for he surely is not our president. Doubt not our resiliency in this matter.