Elderlies annoyed with reports on what they’re thinking about following demise

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 11 April 2019

image for Elderlies annoyed with reports on what they’re thinking about following demise
I.J. "Lazarus" Scambling thinking of submitting reports to The New York Times

Starting with an article in Newsweek magazine yesterday, a wave of irritation and protest has surged throughout the elderly community.

The Newsweek headline:

“Elderly Americans are dying without getting to read Mueller’s report and they’re not happy about it.”

On the surface, this message insinuates that the Mueller report contains damaging information re Trump and Putin.

It also suggests distress among passed on elderlies because they missed the cut on getting Mueller dirt.

Newsweek, however, was not fortunate enough to have the input of the remarkable I.J. Scambling.

Mr. Scambling has sources not available to ordinary journalists.

He has just “returned” from “the beyond.”

According to a medical document he passed on a week ago.

However, yesterday he returned to the living to pick up his pen in defense of elderly preoccupations in the nether-chambers.

Immediately, Twitter gave him a nickname, and he is now renowned as I.J. “Lazarus” Scambling.

A note from his pen:

First, let me tell you what it’s like there. And I mean “there” as a waiting room or courtroom type of place, with bars and clanging doors.

You have to wait in a line a lot like the US immigration camps on the Mexico border. It’s frigid there. Plus no blankets.

From there you go either UP or DOWN, according to your hearing. But, and this is a very big BUT . . .

The magistrates or judges or whatever they are keep saying, “Next!”

But there is no next! Nothing happens. It’s all delay delay delay and sleeping at night in forty degree temperatures.

You wait on and on and you keep hearing: “Next!”

Everybody calls it a NEXT-IT! Just like Brexit. It goes nowhere at all!

I asked one of them judges, you know, I says, “When, your honor, will my case be decided?”

He says: “Next-it is never-ending. We just delay further and further and kick it on down the road. Next!”

You think that we elderlies—passed on though we may be—are unhappy because we missed the cut on getting the Mueller dirt?


Newsweek’s got their heads in the rectal zone on that one!

Let me tell you this.

We’d like some sunlight, sure, so let’s have it!

When will “government” quit scratching and yawning and get something done!?


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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