Barr dragged out of Attorney General’s office and arrested

Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 11 April 2019

image for Barr dragged out of Attorney General’s office and arrested
Police surrounded Mr. Barr's office and removed him at 5:30 a.m.

Senator Schumer has acknowledged that today’s news regarding Julian Assange did influence him in ordering the arrest of Attorney General William Barr.

The senator “felt it highly necessary to follow this Assange precedent.”

Early this morning the FBI dragged Mr. Barr out of his office and detained him in a Washington D.C. police station.

Mr. Barr was heard screaming “America, wake up!” while bound to a police litter and carried out.

Some witnesses thought he also said, “Donald! Where are you?”

(Mr. Trump has said he was having a sausage breakfast at a McDonalds at that time.)

The problem, as Mr. Schumer sees it, is that Mr. Barr was “embarking on a conspiracy theory with no evidence.”

Asked by a reporter if that was not what the Democrats, including himself, had done--with the now defunct Russia-gate collusion theory--the senator responded:


Mr. Barr’s lawyers, meanwhile, have quoted Mr. Barr as to where he stands on this matter:

“I’m not saying that improper surveillance occurred: I’m saying that I’m concerned about it, and looking into it. That’s all.”

Mr. Schumer: “Isn’t that enough? Looking into it? Snooping around? I demand Mr. Barr immediately retract this statement unless he has some evidence!!!”

The senator added (with Ms. Pelosi nodding at his side):

“Following the example of Ecuador and the UK with Julian Assange, we defenders of decency and democracy here in the US arrest Mr. Barr on suspicion of . . . on suspicion of . . . [turning to an aide] what was it again?”

“Conspiracy to intrude on our surveillance tactics back in 2016 during the Donald Trump campaign . . .”

“No, no, no! That can’t be it!”

Miss Pelosi at this point politely entered the discussion:

“Mr. Barr is apparently seeking to once again distract the marvelous citizens of this great country with yet another unfounded conspiracy theory, such as we have just endured for two years.”

A silence.

Reporter: “Do you mean the Russia-gate nonsense?”

Ms. Pelosi: “You’ve got it. We Democrats entirely disavow this sort of hysterical manipulation and efforts to influence the 2020 election!”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more