MANHATTAN - (Spoof Satire) - In the department of "You Just Got Too Damn Big For Your Britches," two of the biggest names in TV news were given the boot in a blaze of glory.
Tucker Carlson, known to his fans as "The Swamp Monster," and Don Lemon, or as he's affectionately called by absolutely nobody, "Lemonhead," were unceremoniously fired and told to hit the road.
But things didn't go smoothly for the ousted hosts. Over at Fox, Tucky got his feathers ruffled when a security guard told him to pack up his desk.
Not one to take orders, Tucky dug his heels in, and the guard had no choice but to tase the nearest object, which happened to be a trash can. The trash can caught fire, causing a panic, and Tucky high-tailed it out of there like a scalded pussy cat.
Meanwhile, over at CNN, Lemon was in hot water - which sounds a lot nicer than it was. When told he was being let go, Lemon demanded an apology, and things quickly turned physical.
CNN executive Carol Feltcher got ahold of "Lemonhead" and put him in a wrestling hold, demanding he say "uncle."
A witness said that Donnie was in so much pain, he called out for everyone from "auntie" to "step-sister" and "second cousin twice removed."
The once-beloved TV hosts have fallen from grace due to their egos, snarky comments, and poor attitudes.
As they say down in Miami Beach, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the newsroom." Or something like that. I've never been to Miami.
