Desperate to get whatever attention their tiny Hollywood minds think they deserve, celebrities from all corners of the Golden State are freaking out that they're not the center of attention at the moment.
"But I just added 10 pounds of surgical lard to my booty!" complained Kim Kardashian. "Look at my bum, I mean, my cute round booty! Look at it, damn you! I'll shrivel up and die if you don't pay attention to me!"
Hollywood producer G.W. 'Spanky-Pants' Whithers whined, "Why does everyone care if the Russians invade Ukraine?! Look at us! We've got superheroes coming out of our wazzoos! All year long, in fact! Go see these movies! Go see them multiple times! Forget about Ukraine-- we have Batmobiles and magicians and The Rock and, OH GOD, I JUST BLEW 500 MILLION DOLLARS MAKING A MOVIE NOBODY'S GONNA WATCH!!!"
Britney Spears joined the fray by complaining in her tiny, baby-girl voice, "But now I can spend my own money without Daddy telling me what to do! Pay attention to me! I'm independent! Look! Seeeee?! Now I can buy mayonnaise without a lawyer's approval!"
Yes, it's a sad day when the general public, exhausted from 2 years of daily bad news about Covid-19, now has the audacity to pay attention to a world-changing invasion by Russia, instead of the latest fart-smell from Beyonce.
