Danny Dyer Condemns Russian Invasion

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Friday, 25 February 2022

image for Danny Dyer Condemns Russian Invasion

Former football hooligan, alleged hard man, and Eastenders actor Danny Dyer said Russia's invasion of Ukraine marked a "deep rupture in Europe's history following the end of the Cold War'' and he's having "none of this bollocks".

Russian missiles rained down on Kyiv and other Ukrainian cities on Friday, the second day of an invasion that Ukraine says is aimed at overthrowing the government.

Dyer, who is 'hard as nails', and has a fake cockney accent that makes Dick Van Dyke sound like an East End barrow boy, said he was following the unfolding events on Sky News with "great worry, sympathy, a kebab and a can of lager."

The cockney wanker said in a statement he wholly supported all the efforts of Ukraine's allies to hold Russia to account for its actions.

"There is no justification for this blatant breach of international law, and I wholeheartedly condemn it," said Dyer, "I'm just not havin' it. Facking Rassian cants!"

It is expected that 80's TV personality, Wee Jimmie Krankee, will issue a statement expressing his/her concerns about the future of Europe and how it really isn't fandabbydozy to 'do this type of shit'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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