President Joe Biden, Commander-In-Sheep

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 3 September 2021

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BILLINGSGATE POST: Chances are, if you see Joe Biden wear a sheepish grin, there must be a story behind it. Well, there just might be.

Much has been written about why men turn to sheep for affection while undergoing stress. In fact, Geoffrey Chaucer dedicated a full chapter of The Canterbury Tales to this subject. There are some who say that The Wife of Bath was actually a woman in sheep’s clothing.

Some might recall the song by Johnny Mathis, “Chances Are.”

Chances are ‘cause I wear a silly grin
The moment you come into view
Chances are you think that that I’m in love with you.

Could it be that this melancholy song was about Biden’s penchant for a woolly lover, long past?

Who knows?

While campaigning in Montana, there were whispers - just whispers, mind you - of candidate Biden sneaking off into the night for a secret rendezvous with a sheep. It is no secret that desperate men will do desperate things while traveling over the horizon beyond their wife’s eyesight.

Horace Hogfelter, owner of the eponymously named Hogfelter Hardware in Billings, Montana, claims that he sold a Montana Pole to Biden. Now let me tell you, no one buys one of these contraptions for other than prurient purposes.

The original patent for the Montana Pole was issued in 1902 to a hapless sheepherder named Robert Minderbinder. If the name looks familiar, it might be because a major character in the Joseph Heller novel, Catch-22, was Milo Minderbinder, who might have been the grandson of Robert.

But I digress and will continue to do so.

As defined by The Street Dictionary: The Montana Pole is a purposeful instrument made from a discarded pitchfork handle with a mirror attached to one end. While dangling in front of a sheep’s head, the mirror registers the pleasure of the sheep while he is being poked from behind by a lonely sheepherder.

Dr. Slim: “With the evolution of social media, is nothing sacred anymore?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Keep in mind that wackos like us are out there.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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