AUSTIN – (Satire News) – The governor of Texas, who was recently named “The Biggest Asshole Governor of All-Time” by the Chicago Daily Wind newspaper, has just had the unmitigated gall to use nearly half a million dollars of state taxpayers money to purchase a new state-of-the-art wheel chair.
Greg “Turdhead” Abbott is hated by more people than any governor in history, including Florida’s present governor Ron “Chicken Shit” DeSantis, who has just stated that he will be deporting 3,373 trouble-making American citizens of Cuban descent back to Cuba.
Greg Abbott, who is in a wheel chair due to having been bitten by a rabid squirrel when he was watering his prized dandelions, reportedly loves being hated as much as woodpeckers love wood.
The man that most Texans call "Fuck Face," literally makes white, entitled “Karens” seem like Catholic nuns.
But political pundits say that the SOB’s gubernatorial days are numbered, as Hollywood actor and Texas native Matthew McConaughey plans to run against the evil, hate-spewing racist in the next state election.
Meanwhile, another piece of Chupacabra shit GOPer Sen Ted "Eddie Munster" Cruz, who actually hates Abbott with an impassioned passion, says that he can hardly wait to see Greg the Wayward Weasel get his wheel chaired-ass kicked all the way back to his native Nazi Germany.