CORNBREAD, Iowa – (Satire News) – The local CBS affiliate is reporting that a resident of the town of Cornbread has been taken into custody for conduct unbecoming a normal person.
The Cornbread Police Department reported that a Mr. Peter P. Varshinty, 47, is sitting in the local jail and thinking about the totally stupid, dumbass thing he’s done.
Detective Noah Binbracken stated that Varshinty, who is out on parole, was arrested after several neighbors and a local prostitute informed CPD that he was making medical masks out of recycled crow droppings.
Two CPD officers went to his trailer house with a warrant, and Varshinty was arrested and his bail has been set at $9,115.
Varshinty reportedly told a CBS reporter that this is still America, and he is just simply trying to make an honest living.
SIDENOTE: A spokesperson for the Cornbread Police Department noted that no crows were hurt in this sick-as-shit medical mask producing matter.