Well, readers, I'm happy to say that 'The Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals' series has very nearly reached double figures - or, at least, it will have in another three weeks, if I manage to keep the effort up. And it is an effort, my frien...
A man has revealed how he awoke every morning to the tweeting of birds which sounded so strange, inaccurate and random, he thought it was one of his neighbors fucking about. The sound, which is not unlike some gonk whistling, reproduces the same m...
The owner of a UK house in Norwich, who just happens to be an avid 'birdwatcher', has had an invasion of colleagues filling up his tiny living room hoping to get a glimpse of a rare bird, dressed skimpily in pink panties, getting into her morning bir...
Residents in the Battambang commune of Tapon are on high-alert this evening after a local man claimed he was attacked by ducklings. The incident is alleged to have taken place just before teatime in the back garden of Moys Kenwood, who told neighb...
San Francisco, California - Following the arrest of a score of tourists in San Francisco this past week, the city police department has issued a public service announcement reminding the public that it is illegal to feed minimum-wage workers on the...
An Australian bird discovered this year has been given the unusual distinction of being named after the current US president, due to surprising similarities in their behaviour. Researchers at the University of Wagga Wagga have officially called the b...
Here's a poem I writ when I was a bit fed up. I feel like a bird Moved to fly, or to try So high, in the sky (Or to die) And to detect a big, fat juicy worm With my beady eye I feel like a bird Special thing, on the wing For a fling, I would sing Like Evelyn Champagne King That incomparable sexy soul diva Ring-a-ding-ding! I feel like a bird And, in truth, a bit grim Hardly tr...
In a press conference on the shore of Piney Beach NJ Fred the Seagull stood at the podium and implored "I have called this conference to ask people to please be more careful with the food items you bring to the beach, many of us pipers, seagulls, and...
After an incident where a Venezuelan hummingbird buzzed a U.S. aircraft carrier, Donald Trump expanded his proposal for a wall on the U.S./Mexico border to include a net to keep out migrating birds as well. Trump appeared at a California rally tha...
Minneapolis, MN - According to sources closest to the recently deceased Pop/Rock/Fashion and Home Furnishings Icon, Prince, he actually did enjoy making doves and other birds cry, which was the impetus for one of his most beloved songs. "I remembe...
Ever since Twitter announced plans to cut its workforce, the birdies have been all atwitter, wondering if some of them will be losing their jobs. "Hopefully not," said Bill Twitter, Head Bird of the Twitter Birdies labor union. "After all, it is...
"Shop till you drop" doesn't apply only to humans. Twitter birdies, bored with their usual endeavors, have taken to shopping. Boy, have they taken to shopping! During the last few weeks, the best stores on Fifth Avenue in NYC have been packe...
New York -- Now that the carriage horses are on the run, activists are taking aim on another group of animals that need to be rescued from Central Park. A study by the nonexistent grassroots group Animal Advocates has found that the privacy right...
CHEYENNE, Wyoming - First it was the buffaloes stampeding out of Yellowstone National Park and heading south towards Colorado. Then there were reports that woodchucks were hurriedly scampering north to Montana. Yellowstone National Park rangers...
Phil Robertson the head of the Duck Dynasty has announced that the family have come up with a new call that draws blackbirds to the area. Why would anyone want a blackbird caller? "I tell you the truth, we have sold thousands already and we are...
NEW YORK CITY - One of the nation's top experts on birds and their migratory habits has just stated that the birds are having hell with the harsh-as-hell winter. Dr. Hamlet Chimney of Harvard held a news conference in Central Park and told joggers...
A car dealership in Maryville, Tennessee is suing a rival car dealer for $500,000 in lost income and auto damage as well as causing the workers there to risk their lives by working and the clean-up details. Hardin's GMC and Hyundai Auto Dealership...
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