NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Donald Trump’s long-time hairstylist Francois "FiFi" Flambeau, recently appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and revealed that the former resident of 1600 Pennsylvania, confided to him that he really and truly regrets that he did not appoint himself to be the nation’s very first king.
Flambeau, who describes himself as a cross between RuPaul, Rand Paul, and Paul Shamatitti, pointed out that Trump is actually 100% bald.
He said that the Trumptard made him sign an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) that he would never reveal that his head is as bald as a chicken egg.
Ellen laughed so hard, she had to go to a commercial because as the audience and the TV viewers clearly saw, Ellen peed in her pants.
After returning from a commercial, she said that she was now wearing a pair of Depends Super Strength Plastic Panties.
Francois, giggled, as he divulged that he has been wearing the same exact brand for 6 years.
DeGeneres asked him about the rumors that his client (DJT) had been intimate with Maria Bartiromo, Hope Hicks, and Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Flambeau, rolled his eyes, and he whispered to Ellen that in the bedroom department, Trump is about as much of a romantic lover as garden mulch is sushi.
He revealed that he heard from a former White House maid, that sexually-neglected Melania has a box full of sex toys, including the latest state-of-the-art vibrator, the California Earthquake XXX-81 Wiggle Wonder.