WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Chicago Daily Wind and The Washington Globe-Express are both reporting that the wife of Senator Mitch McConnell, Elaine Chao, is totally fed up with her husband’s political antics and shady shenanigans and she wants out of the marriage immediately, if not sooner.
“Ling Ling,” as Donald J. Trump nicknamed her, told one of her closest friends, Nancy Pelosi, that she has reached the end of her rope with the man that many consider to be at least 91% evil.
The former Elaine Chao, no relation to the Chicago Chao’s, divulged that he is getting so forgetful that he sometimes calls her Marjorie, as in Marjorie Taylor Greene.
“Ling Ling” says she doesn’t mind that so much, but she does hate it when he calls her Donald Johnny, as in the Trumptard.
Mrs. McConnell said that she has already contacted one of the best attorneys in the country, Gloria Allred.
Allred asked what the couple is worth. Mrs. McConnell replied $22.6 million. And she was told that she can most probably end up with $19.7 million, which is way more than half.
Mrs. McConnell asked how she could get that much and she was told by Allred that she isn’t known as one of the greatest attorneys in America because she's one fantastic French kisser.
When Allred asked her if she has any compromising photos of Mitch, "Ling Ling" went to a drawer and showed her a box with over 32 photos.
Some of the photos include her husband with Marjorie Taylor Greene sitting on his lap at a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Baltimore.
Another photo showed Mitch, Kevin McCarthy, Tucker Carlson, and Matt Gaetz all holding hands and playing Red Rover-Red Rover with Jim Jordan, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Jeff Sessions, and Stormy Daniels.
Mrs. McConnell told Gloria Allred that she wants to keep the couple’s pet Chihuahua, Bobby, but stated that Mitch can keep their pet porcupine Pokey, their pet vulture Valerie, and their 17 guppies.