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Funny satire stories about Mitch McConnell

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President Trump Unleashes Nuclear Strikes on Planned Parenthood

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a devastating and unbelievable development, President Donald Trump has struck every abortion clinic and Planned Parenthood center in the United States with nuclear weapons. "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!" Trump...

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American Airlines Unveils New Foot-Powered Airplanes

FORT WORTH, TX - Doug Parker, the CEO of American Airlines, unveiled a new fleet of airplanes that have no engines and no floor. "A company's number one priority is customer satisfaction. We have been keeping up with recent trends, and we have dis...

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Republicans Decide Voter Suppression is Too Much Work, Decide to Set Democrats on Fire

WASHINGTON D.C.: Republicans unveiled a controversial tactic in their attempt to win the 2018 election. Senator Mitch McConnell told CNN, “We gained five points in the polls when we implied that Democrats should not have heads if they take back the Congress. So we've decided to hunt and kill them to ensure total control. Rand Paul is going to wear Al Franken's skin just in case someone decides...

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Joketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water

WASHINGTON D.C. - Chaos erupted in the nation's capital as elite members of the Joketsuzoku splashed President Donald Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan water from the cursed springs of Jusenkyo. The Joketsuzoku, a tribe of female warriors embedded deep in the deepest mountainous regions of China, were rumored to have died o...

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Nancy Pelosi Unable to Say the Word "Impeachment"

WASHINGTON D.C. - In an interview with various reporters, Nancy Pelosi stated, "As House Minority Leader, I believe it is not the proper course of action to respond to Judge Kavanaugh with talk of impuuuu-" Pelosi then strained her face and squirm...

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Old-Testament God Creates 11th Commandment: “Thou Shalt Not Engage in Victim Blaming, You Sadistic Morons”

WASHINGTON D.C. - Emerging from the heavens amidst a flurry of lightning and ferocious winds, the Old-Testament God, commonly known as Yahweh, descended upon the United States Congress. “I am the Lord thy God,” Yahweh bellowed, shaking the ground...

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Senator McConnell Channels Magneto, Shouts, “DEMOCRATS! WELCOME TO DIE!”

WASHINGTON D.C. - Senator Mitch McConnell left his fellow politicians confused and terrorized when he took to the podium in Senate chambers, generated an electromagnetic force field, and shouted, “DEMOCRATS! WELCOME TO DIE!” Senators and staff fle...

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Judge Kavanaugh Presses Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start, Gets 30 Lives

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a shocking development, Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh plugged an NES controller into his gavel and entered the infamous "Konami code" (Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start), granting him a grand total...

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Dr. Emil Skoda: “Senator Mitch McConnell Believes Every Group That Aren't White Males Are a Mob”

NEW YORK, NY – Dr. Emil Skoda, a psychiatrist who works with the New York Police Department, claimed that Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) suffers from delusion disorder. “In a nutshell, Senator McConnell believes that every congregation of people t...

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Brett Kavanaugh Transforms Into The Hulk

Funny story: Brett Kavanaugh Transforms Into The Hulk

The floor of the Senate was the site of a series of astonishing superhero-related battles as Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh transformed into The Incredible Hulk before the astonished eyes of the assembled Senate Judiciary Committee and the new...

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Congress Declares Massive Debt Accumulation as the New American Dream

Funny story: Congress Declares Massive Debt Accumulation as the New American Dream

WASHINGTON D.C. ---- Recent college graduates, along with millions of working Americans who decided to take the day off gathered today on the great lawn in Washington to celebrate massive debt accumulation as the new American Dream. College and...

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Trump Declared a Witch By Scientists! New Salem Witch Trials To Begin!

Funny story: Trump Declared a Witch By Scientists! New Salem Witch Trials To Begin!

Massachusetts - Scientists imported from England today declared that the reason Donald J. Trump feels there is a witch hunt for him is because he is indeed a witch. Scientists meeting secretly in Salem, Massachusetts have worked out the science behi...

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Senator Mitch McConnell: I have a Vagina and Can Empathize with Women on Healthcare

Funny story: Senator Mitch McConnell: I have a Vagina and Can Empathize with Women on Healthcare

The U.S. Senate has once again turned its attention to healthcare as concern over what a new conservative balance on the Supreme Court will mean. Many are concerned that a long list of pre-existing conditions will no longer be included in healthcare...

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Republicans promise to pay for cities damaged by global warming!

Funny story: Republicans promise to pay for cities damaged by global warming!

Elected Republican officials promised on Monday that if cities become submerged because of rising sea levels, they and their republican voting constituents will pay to repair the damage. But, how will we know who owes what? Ryan explained the a...

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Alabamians Vote in Alleged Serial Killer Judge Roger Ray Morris as Their New Senator

Funny story: Alabamians Vote in Alleged Serial Killer Judge Roger Ray Morris as Their New Senator

AL--Alleged serial killer Judge Roger Ray Morris, who maintains the nine bodies buried in his basement were already there when he moved in, won an election on Tuesday against Democrat Doug Jones. Morris, who is out on bail pending an investigation...

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"I Stand By My President"

Funny story: "I Stand By My President"

Hypothetical: President Trump calls for the processing and imprisoning of 3 million illegal immigrants in internment camps in the United States. How will his fellow Republicans respond? Paul Ryan: "I idea of imprisoning 3 million immigrants--le...

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Mitch McConnell Wants Healthcare Passed Before Winter Hibernation

Funny story: Mitch McConnell Wants Healthcare Passed Before Winter Hibernation

Box Turtles in Kentucky stop eating and start getting sluggish sometime in the month of October, and that's why Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell desperately needs to pass an alternative to Obamacare by September. Mitch "The Bitch" McConnell...

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We Are A Fly On The Wall At The Republican Formation Of The New Health Plan.

"What are we going to do?" whispered Mitch McConnell secretly to Mike Pence. " If we don't get this new AbominableCare bill through our handlers will come down on us heavy!" "First off, I think we should change the name. It sounds too much like Ob...

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Breaking news…

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."
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