WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Reporter Hacienda Fiddle with Boom Boom News, has been following the life of El Chapo’s wife, ever since she won The Tequila & Papaya Festival beauty pageant at the age of 17, in 2007, in Mexico.
Miss Fiddle said that Emma Coronel Aispuro-Guzman-Loera has a lingerie model’s body and the face of a Hollywood starlet.
She noted that the gorgeous woman is so intelligent that she was both the salutatorian and valedictorian at Sinaloa High School.
Emmita, as comedian George Lopez calls her, was also the head cheerleader and the schools soccer team captain, as well as homecoming queen and Queen of the Santa Ana Winds Festival.
The wife of the infamous drug lord, El Chapo has agreed to a plea bargain deal.
Her attorney, the highly noted and respected Gloria Allred, who has a fabulously fabulous won-lost record of 4,903-2, says that Mrs. El Chapo, as she affectionately refers to her, will soon be walking the streets a free woman.
Mrs. Allred thought about her wording for a moment and said, “Ah let me just rephrase that by saying that Emmita will very soon be a free woman.”
An inside source revealed that the judge will accept several pleas from the stunningly attractive 31-year-old former beauty queen.
Emma will flat out say that she has never in her life seen any marijuana, cocaine, heroin, opioids, or even Botox cream.
Allred divulged that her client will however readily admit to importing avocados, pinatas, wrought iron bird cages, Guayabera shirts, maracas, and frozen enchiladas.
SIDENOTE: El Chapo’s wife has 18.3 million Instagram followers, or roughly five times more than Republicans Mitch McConnell, Kevin McCarthy, Kid Rock, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Tucker Carlson, and Scott Baio all put together.