Man's Hands Are The Cleanest In Southeast Asia

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 24 March 2020

image for Man's Hands Are The Cleanest In Southeast Asia
Kenwood dreams about facilities such as these

A man who has taken to an extreme, the governments advice to constantly keep hands clean, and wash them at every opportunity, has said that his hands are currently the cleanest in southeast Asia.

Moys Kenwood, 56, who used to be a teacher until his school laid him off due to the Coronavirus a week ago, has taken the medical advice very seriously, and, thus far, it's paid off.

He said:

"I'm always washing my hands, regardless of whether there's a deadly virus about or not. It's just second nature to me."

Kenwood went on to describe his elaborate routine:

"First, I fill the kettle, and boil some water. Then, I rinse my hands in some cold water, before applying soap. Next, I rub my hands together vigorously, palms and backs of the hands, between the fingers, and, of course, under the nails, where germs like to hide. Then, I rinse them in cold, running water, before applying soap once more, rubbing thoroughly, and rinsing them. Finally, I dry them, not on a towel, where other germs might be hiding, but over a hot, roaring flame, for total purification."

According to him, this leaves his mitts spick and span, clinically-fresh, and without a single microbe of dirt.

Asked about the reason he boiled some water in the kettle, he said:

"All the hand-washing makes me thirsty for a mug of tea."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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