Nashville Woman's Self-Quarantine Goes Remarkably Smoothly

Written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 22 March 2020

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Jenny Mason's self-quarantine is going so well that she is considering extending it beyond the COVID-19 epidemic.

Determined to go to any lengths to help “flatten the curve” and curb the spread of COVID-19, Jenny Mason of Nashville, Tennessee, implemented a policy of stringent self-quarantine – which, to her relief, met with little or no resistance.

“No one even responded to my email stating that I’d decided to curtail my social interactions for the indefinite future out of concern regarding the coronavirus,” said Mason. “The fact that people would go so far as to even avoid email interactions shows me that they’re taking my concerns very seriously - which I appreciate.”

And, while Mason admitted to wondering whether some more skeptical of the mass pandemic might seek to violate the boundary she’d set, no one has yet made any move to do so. “The way that people come together at times like these is incredible," she said. “It’s inspiring how everyone’s trying to do the right thing, even if it’s hard.”

Even so, not wanting to minimize the hardship imposed on her more extroverted acquaintances, Mason reached out to two of her friends, Matt and Callie Reilly, to check in as to how they were holding up under her self-quarantine. “They told me they hadn’t even noticed,” she said, chuckling affectionately. “I didn’t believe them for a second, of course. But it’s super sweet of them to act, for my sake, like it’s not a big deal.”

Her self-quarantine is going so well, in fact, that Mason plans to potentially extend it even beyond the COVID-19 epidemic. “There’s no telling what’s next – an antibiotic-resistant superbug, a new strain of the flu," she said. "We all have to do what we can.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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