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Funny satire stories about Pubs

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Funny story: Wetherspoon to Stop Selling Champagne and Prosecco

Wetherspoon to Stop Selling Champagne and Prosecco

"Frankly, we don't give a toss" was the reaction of France's Champagne industry to the Wetherspoon announcement that the fusty old gits chain of pubs would cease selling Champagne and Prosecco. Shortly after his recent shock announcement that he w...

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Funny story: Wetherspoon Chairman Denies Quitting Social Media and Shuts Pubs Instead

Wetherspoon Chairman Denies Quitting Social Media and Shuts Pubs Instead

Today, in a prompt volte-face, JD Wetherspoon’s weirdo chairman Tim Martin, the last living proponent of the mullet, hair style of the gods, informed the stock exchange that, rather than quitting social media as widely reported, his pub chain was to...

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Funny story: Suicidal Man Orders Chocolate Milk In Pub, Fights With Police

Suicidal Man Orders Chocolate Milk In Pub, Fights With Police

A US man tried to commit suicide by cop outside of a Brixton pub and learned that not all police respond with lethal force as a first measure. Barkeep Angela DeBroder described what happened that night at Jubilee Pub and Bistro. "Anyone could...

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Funny story: Throwing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first

Throwing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first

Studies at the University of Central Lancashire have found that throwing your own faeces and waste at bar staff is the number one way to getting served first in a bar or restaurant. The research found the tactic, which is employed by some angry...

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Funny story: 75 year-old regular drinker 'vanishes' as guerilla demolition razes historic London pub

75 year-old regular drinker 'vanishes' as guerilla demolition razes historic London pub

London - North London's Jamaican community is gobsmacked after a patron of some 40 years at a North London boozer was declared missing - presumed pissed - when a hysteric pub in Kilburn was suddenly demolished without permission this morning. Jere...

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Funny story: "Satan Socks" Vicar Banned from Todmorden Pub

"Satan Socks" Vicar Banned from Todmorden Pub

A vicar who believes shoes and socks are "the tools of the Devil" has been turned away from a pub in Todmorden, West Yorkshire, for being barefooted. Martin Chuzzlewit, 56, landlord of the Splintered Potsherd on Boundary Street, asked the Reverend...

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Funny story: Rollmop Herrings Becoming Extinct - World Rollmop Herring Fund

Rollmop Herrings Becoming Extinct - World Rollmop Herring Fund

The traditional free bar snack, the rollmop herring has been placed on red "extinction danger" alert this morning. The government is appealing to heavy drinkers to help save the nasty British tradition of eating raw fish in vinegar. For a small regul...

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Funny story: Irish fighting mad over pub closing

Irish fighting mad over pub closing

RUB-A-DUB-DUBLIN, IRELAND, THE EMERALD ISLE -- Oil Can Mary's, a popular pub in Rub-a-Dub-Dublin's gay district, has been closed "until further notice," an act that has enraged the establishment's regular patrons. "Two micks are killed, and I have...

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Funny story: Shittu hits the fan

Shittu hits the fan

A team bonding trip to the pub turned into chaos for Millwall after several players were caught up in a pub brawl. It's believed the brawl started when a fan compared defender Danny Shittu to Mark Lawrenson. Incredibly the team came out of the alterc...

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Funny story: Scummy Pubs To Hire Doorman

Scummy Pubs To Hire Doorman

Under a new Tory law, pubs that predominantly cater for the unemployed have to employ a thin, disheveled middle-aged man to smoke at the front door to ensure no upstanding citizens accidentally go in for a pint. The law, entitled 'fag means f**k o...

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Funny story: Vicar of Upper Dicker tired of innuendo changes village name to Bell End

Vicar of Upper Dicker tired of innuendo changes village name to Bell End

"The village sign "Welcome to Upper Dicker" has been stolen over 50 times," said the local Vicar, Mike Hunt. "I think we've had enough!" Mike told our countryside correspondent. Now by a special act of Parliament its name has been changed to Bell...

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Funny story: Bar serves wild new cocktails

Bar serves wild new cocktails

WELLINGTON, ENG. (WHERE ELSE?) - A local Wellington pub-cum-restaurant admits it specializes in "unusual fare" according to owner Steve Drum. Customers of the establishment suggest the declaration is "an understatement" typical of the stereotypical d...

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Funny story: Britain's Nuclear deterrent, in the safe hands of naval ratings, "drunk out of their minds"!

Britain's Nuclear deterrent, in the safe hands of naval ratings, "drunk out of their minds"!

HMS Astute, Southampton: Police investigations, carried out by the Hampshire Constabulary have found out that the consumption of 20 pints of cider was not unsual for naval ratings and "significant" numbers of the crew used to get "drunk out of their...

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Funny story: Conga Collision At Essex Pub Leaves Dozens Injured!

Conga Collision At Essex Pub Leaves Dozens Injured!

Two people have been seriously injured with dozens more left bruised and shaken after two lines of conga dancers collided head-on outside a pub in Loughton, Essex just after midnight. The collision, at Loughton's 'The Red Lion' public house occur...

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Funny story: Stockport company adopts new approach for bottling whines

Stockport company adopts new approach for bottling whines

A long-established industrial unit in Stockport is all set to start bottling whines, moans and other grumpy stuff. The company's design department has come up with specially shaped glass containers for variegated examples of whines and moans.

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Funny story: Like to play pub games? There's an app for that

Like to play pub games? There's an app for that

A new applelet for the Apple iPhone is now ready for pub game lovers called iAm. "I love this game," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "It's so simple, and yet it's so much fun to play." The game requires all the competitors to have an iPhone,...

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Funny story: Ron & Fred on A Very Quiet Day

Ron & Fred on A Very Quiet Day

"Art'noon Fred, feelin' any better t'day are yer?" "Yeah, worst over Ron, still can't taste or smell anyfing though. Bloody colds." "Lot ov it goin' rahnd mate. Least yer over the worst of it.... quiet in 'ere t'day ainit." "Is now, yeah. A few in 'ere earlier there was." "Dead in 'ere now Fred." "She's a lazy cah that one." "Oud'yer mean Fred?" "Guvners wife sittin' up at t...

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