On par with telling an American that their Second Amendment will be erased and all their guns taken away, the people of Britain will soon be up in arms this coming September when all beer production will stop and all pubs closed. This is coming fr…
In a crowded pub in Mithering on the Trent, Tracey and Sharon, along with three of their mates, were out for a good night of drinking wine and talking about life when their good time was spoiled by four different men approaching their table. "It h…
Reports are flying fast and furious, with no confirmation as to whether they’re true, but is there a radical Muslim cabal of jihadists in … Scotland?! Wha? It’s all speculation so far, but things have been heard, the grapevine is a-buzz, that cer…
Northern Pub The Ferret's Indecision is actually proud to be selling Pepsi, instead of apologizing for it like every other pub. Tracey Brassingthwaite said 'Our regulars know that we have never sold Coca-Cola here, even Snotty Bob knows that, so n…
Pub rock band Oily and the Blanchmange have now played Last Christmas by Wham for the seventh time Even the jazz-tinged saxophonist Tim Dewberry-Sprocket is getting sick of it. 'I know it is a classic Christmas song' bewailed Tim 'but our singe…
Pub rockers Liquorice Allsorts realised that during their gig at The Toad and The Wet Sprocket pub, they should have left crowd-pleasing epic The Boys are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy until later in the set. The group's lead singer Wayne Hemingway s…
LONDON - (Satire News) - The London Daily Informer Newspaper, has just listed a list of The Top 10 British Pubs in London. Daily Informer reporter Benjamin "Big Ben" Viking compiled the list after the newspaper asked its readers to submit their c…
Boris Johnson has sent out a plea to all men, women and children (and even some canines) of Britain to go to the pub and “have a slash”. To those from other countries, this means to expel urine through your urethra. Piss. The reason why Boris i…
You know that weird bloke who looks like he got dressed really quickly, to avoid the attentions of a suspicious husband? Yes, him, the one who said those things about Hitler, and how in his day complaining was for sissies ‘When you could call them si…
Although it is now more than thirty years since you left school, and you only go back to your home town at Christmas, the cool kid is still drinking in the same pub. Shane Worthington, 47, once had the eyes of all of the girls, and some of the boy…
50 Cent may have been fat shamed on the internet, but he’s not letting it slow him down. After his recent Super Bowl appearance, the rapper was mercilessly blasted on social media by critics and trolls who claimed that the musician has gained weig…
Although they have a collected age of 273 pub band Lemon Twist are still playing the music that they loved in the 1970s. The band's youngest member, singer Cassidy Wainwright 63, can still hit the notes for The Boys Are Back in Town, Alright Now,…
(NOT EDITED) With nothing better to do than polish his brass monkeys, walk the dog, play darts with the missus, play 'pocket-billiards' with himself, English pub owner, and ex-entrepreneur, Johnny Jackass (Real name, Johnny Johnson), from Rochdale, L…
A man who had, allegedly, drunk five pints of lager in an Essex pub at the weekend, was thrown out by the landlord for being drunk. Dave Brown, 28, who had been supping at the Bulldog and Nettles public house in Braintree from 5 o'clock until clos…
Concerns over misinterpretation of the north of England lock-down measures have resulted in a Burnley man being refused entry into a Kent pub, because he’s a northerner. He was then sat on by a Polish fruit picker, until he was escorted back to the b…
Local bachelor, Stanley Bridgewater, is not looking forward to doing two of his least favourite things tomorrow: drinking in a pub, and talking to strangers in a pub. The lonely 47-year-old, who gets drunk on one pint of shandy, and has not got pa…
Fed up of being unable to introduce physical violence to his online conversations, Geoff Thump has developed ThumpChat, the world's first-ever video chat with the ability to punch other people. "I was having my usual weekly video chat with my mate...
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