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Funny satire stories about Pubs

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Funny story: That pub band who play classic rock are still going

That pub band who play classic rock are still going

Although they have a collected age of 273 pub band Lemon Twist are still playing the music that they loved in the 1970s. The band's youngest member, singer Cassidy Wainwright 63, can still hit the notes for The Boys Are Back in Town, Alright Now,…

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Funny story: English pub owner drowns in a barrel of Irish Guinness!

English pub owner drowns in a barrel of Irish Guinness!

(NOT EDITED) With nothing better to do than polish his brass monkeys, walk the dog, play darts with the missus, play 'pocket-billiards' with himself, English pub owner, and ex-entrepreneur, Johnny Jackass (Real name, Johnny Johnson), from Rochdale, L…

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Funny story: Drinker slung out of pub for being drunk

Drinker slung out of pub for being drunk

A man who had, allegedly, drunk five pints of lager in an Essex pub at the weekend, was thrown out by the landlord for being drunk. Dave Brown, 28, who had been supping at the Bulldog and Nettles public house in Braintree from 5 o'clock until clos…

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Funny story: The North is in trouble and that’s official.

The North is in trouble and that’s official.

Concerns over misinterpretation of the north of England lock-down measures have resulted in a Burnley man being refused entry into a Kent pub, because he’s a northerner. He was then sat on by a Polish fruit picker, until he was escorted back to the b…

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Funny story: Local Lightweight not looking forward to going out tomorrow night

Local Lightweight not looking forward to going out tomorrow night

Local bachelor, Stanley Bridgewater, is not looking forward to doing two of his least favourite things tomorrow: drinking in a pub, and talking to strangers in a pub. The lonely 47-year-old, who gets drunk on one pint of shandy, and has not got pa…

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Funny story: Man invents video chat with punching

Man invents video chat with punching

Fed up of being unable to introduce physical violence to his online conversations, Geoff Thump has developed ThumpChat, the world's first-ever video chat with the ability to punch other people. "I was having my usual weekly video chat with my mate...

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Funny story: Eastenders: Queen Vic Given Special Dispensation To Stay Open During Coronavirus Pandemic

Eastenders: Queen Vic Given Special Dispensation To Stay Open During Coronavirus Pandemic

Prime Minister Boris Johnson may have spoken to the nation, and laid down the law telling people to stay at home during the Coronavirus crisis, with all pubs and clubs to shut, but, for one public house, in particular, this arrangement will not apply...

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Funny story: Pub And Restaurant Managers Say They Will Defy Government Shutdown, Unless Things Get Really Bad

Pub And Restaurant Managers Say They Will Defy Government Shutdown, Unless Things Get Really Bad

After the UK government gave orders for pubs, clubs, bars and restaurants to shut down until further notice, to contain the spread of the Coronavirus, many of those in charge of those establishments said they will defy the ban, unless things got "rea...

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Funny story: Wetherspoon to Stop Selling Champagne and Prosecco

Wetherspoon to Stop Selling Champagne and Prosecco

"Frankly, we don't give a toss" was the reaction of France's Champagne industry to the Wetherspoon announcement that the fusty old gits chain of pubs would cease selling Champagne and Prosecco. Shortly after his recent shock announcement that he w...

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Funny story: Wetherspoon Chairman Denies Quitting Social Media and Shuts Pubs Instead

Wetherspoon Chairman Denies Quitting Social Media and Shuts Pubs Instead

Today, in a prompt volte-face, JD Wetherspoon’s weirdo chairman Tim Martin, the last living proponent of the mullet, hair style of the gods, informed the stock exchange that, rather than quitting social media as widely reported, his pub chain was to...

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Funny story: Suicidal Man Orders Chocolate Milk In Pub, Fights With Police

Suicidal Man Orders Chocolate Milk In Pub, Fights With Police

A US man tried to commit suicide by cop outside of a Brixton pub and learned that not all police respond with lethal force as a first measure. Barkeep Angela DeBroder described what happened that night at Jubilee Pub and Bistro. "Anyone could...

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Funny story: Throwing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first

Throwing own faeces found out to be number one way to getting served at bar first

Studies at the University of Central Lancashire have found that throwing your own faeces and waste at bar staff is the number one way to getting served first in a bar or restaurant. The research found the tactic, which is employed by some angry...

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Funny story: 75 year-old regular drinker 'vanishes' as guerilla demolition razes historic London pub

75 year-old regular drinker 'vanishes' as guerilla demolition razes historic London pub

London - North London's Jamaican community is gobsmacked after a patron of some 40 years at a North London boozer was declared missing - presumed pissed - when a hysteric pub in Kilburn was suddenly demolished without permission this morning. Jere...

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Funny story: "Satan Socks" Vicar Banned from Todmorden Pub

"Satan Socks" Vicar Banned from Todmorden Pub

A vicar who believes shoes and socks are "the tools of the Devil" has been turned away from a pub in Todmorden, West Yorkshire, for being barefooted. Martin Chuzzlewit, 56, landlord of the Splintered Potsherd on Boundary Street, asked the Reverend...

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Funny story: Rollmop Herrings Becoming Extinct - World Rollmop Herring Fund

Rollmop Herrings Becoming Extinct - World Rollmop Herring Fund

The traditional free bar snack, the rollmop herring has been placed on red "extinction danger" alert this morning. The government is appealing to heavy drinkers to help save the nasty British tradition of eating raw fish in vinegar. For a small regul...

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Funny story: Irish fighting mad over pub closing

Irish fighting mad over pub closing

RUB-A-DUB-DUBLIN, IRELAND, THE EMERALD ISLE -- Oil Can Mary's, a popular pub in Rub-a-Dub-Dublin's gay district, has been closed "until further notice," an act that has enraged the establishment's regular patrons. "Two micks are killed, and I have...

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Funny story: Shittu hits the fan

Shittu hits the fan

A team bonding trip to the pub turned into chaos for Millwall after several players were caught up in a pub brawl. It's believed the brawl started when a fan compared defender Danny Shittu to Mark Lawrenson. Incredibly the team came out of the alterc...

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