SHANGHAI, China – (Satire News) – China’s Rice News Agency has revealed that President Trump is the sole owner of three fortune cookie factories.
According to government records, the President purchased the three factories a mere two months after taking office.
The report went on to say that Trump lists his son, Eric, as the owner, but the lawyer who handled the deal said that Mr. Trump signed the contract and paid for the three factories with a check from The United States Treasury Department.
When the President was asked by TMZ to explain his ownership of the three Chinese companies, he merely commented that he has never been to China, doesn’t speak Chinese, and added that he and Hope Hicks are merely soulmates - very, very close soulmates.
Meanwhile, in a non-related story, The Kinks have sent President Trump a registered letter telling him to immediately stop playing their 1970 Top Ten hit “Lola” at his presidential hate rallies.