Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 20 November 2018

image for "Brexit Dividend" Souvenir Shops To Open in Channel Ports - A Spoof Exclusive
Fartage "look at my wad"

Secret plans have been seen by The Spoof which show how Brexit cheerleaders are planning to make vast profits from Brexit while ordinary British citizens will suffer the consequences.

An offshore company by the name of Brexshit Haha based in the Bahamas has been revealed to be owned by Jacob Rees-Smug, Nigel Fartage, Arron Wanks, Bozo Johnson and "Dr" Liar Fox with a business plan to open its Brexit souvenir shops on 1st April 2019, shortly after the UK leaves the EU. The company denies it has purposely chosen All Fools' Day to open.

The Spoof's Business Editor, Paxton Quigley, tracked down Brexit spiv Nigel Fartage to his luxury penthouse apartment in Trump London Towers to discover the truth behind the story. He was quite open in his response.

"Look, everybody knows the economy is going to tank after we leave the EU and somebody has to make some money out of this crap con trick of mine. The channel ports are going to be chock-a-block with lorry drivers and tourists trying to get through customs and immigration, so it's a perfect opportunity. They will have hours, even days, for shopping in duty-free so I've already taken on some Chinese illegal staff who don't mind working 22 hour days. Why shouldn't I and the others make some dosh out of it?

"It's just business for fuck's sake."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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