Brexit deal close to being crimped off

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 15 November 2018

image for Brexit deal close to being crimped off
Not another Brexit analogy

After two and a half years of straining and pushing, Brexit is almost ready to splash down into the toilet bowl of political reality, and flushed into the sewers of history like the steaming turd of an idea that it is.

Brexit has marched through the lower intestine of UK politics like an army of chicken vindaloo soldiers adopting a scorched earth policy. It has created a stomach cramp of fiery debate, lit by the angry curry of nationalism and the chilli of wilful ignorance. It has torn the rectum of public opinion in two.

Theresa May has been ready for months to exercise the sphincteral muscles of diplomacy to "crimp off" a length of Brexit. However, it has taken a lot longer than expected to reach this point, which may in future cause haemhorrhoids of political upheaval. Britain has already suffered explosive bursts of the diarrhoea of international embarrassment, as the hanging jobbie of Brexit slides ever downwards.

Most Brits are simply looking forward to being able to wipe away the whole stinking farce. However, the toilet paper of time may not have enough left on the roll to fully remove the dangleberries of government incompetence and restore the anal hygiene of dignity.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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