Acclaimed monkey lady, Jane Goodall, has invested her life savings from monkeying around in Africa for all those years in a string of Banana Shops, after deciding there just aren't enough banana shoppes in the world. "I suppose we should have seen…
A woman has shocked the business community – and her fellow mumpreneurs – by starting a business and managing not to name it after her two children, our sources can reveal. Andrea Mumford, 34, founder of bespoke baby clothes and comforter brand B…
The famous toy company that makes fake guns Twerf™ just announced a new redesign for its new models specially made to American kids. "We are excited to show for the first time our redesign to the popular Twerf Guns. Kids don't like fake guns anymo…
Although they have forgotten about you completely for the past 16 months, companies are starting to email you again. 'It was quite a shock' said Brian Asshat 'The organisation I used to volunteer at before lock-down has sent me an email, asking me…
Pillow Guy Mike Lindell has had a few problems as of late, mostly legal and personal in nature it seems. The latest of his problems to come to light is he seems to have a physical attraction to former president Donald J. Trump. An observer close t…
New York Knicks owner James Dolan, who most people know from the Spike Lee incident at Madison Square Garden, has awarded full ownership of the team to Atlanta Hawks point guard Trae Young. This includes Madison Square Garden, all copyrights, and all…
Paramount, Universal, and Warner Brothers: these are just some of the film studios not owned by Amazon Inc. (yet). The United States of America, a lesser-known studio known for producing those highly-rated White House Covid-19 press conferences, was…
Just four short days into the new year, and a man who reckons he is a bit of an expert on such matters has said that it's entirely possible, by no great stretch of the imagination, that 2021 could eventually, by far, outstrip 2020 in its shitness.
The government's post-Coronavirus strategy will support ailing restaurants and tackle the lockdown binging obesity crisis by providing half a meal, at full price, for fatties. ‘This government isn’t going to sit on its arse, we’ve got an appetit…
Usually, Forbes publishes the Top 10 lists of people that have more than you will ever dream of having, but this time they decided to make a list of the people that own you. 1) Jeff Bezos Yes...when you created your Amazon account, you didn’t rea...
Troubled UK airline, Flybe, in the midst of financial catastrophe, has, this morning, announced plans to offer passengers a new service with flights to an increasingly popular destination - Oblivion. The airline has crippling debts, and cannot loo...
While some of her coworkers might give her odd looks when she shows up in a fitted blouse and business skirt on casual Fridays at the office, Lara Revolinski has a plan in mind. "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have," is the motto adop...
In Orpington, retired multi-millionaire, Colin Powell Montgomery Ablitt Smyth the third, has just opened a Spirograph bistro. Following on from the news that Kevin Wilkes, a 24-year-old hipster from Chutney-on-the-Fritz has opened an etch-a-sketch...
Geneva: This afternoon, drug manufacturer Hoffman La Roche, most notably famous for bringing the wildly popular pharmaceutical Lysergic acid diethylamide to market (we all know it as LSD, windowpane, double domes, etc.), announced the formation of a...
Aimlessly perusing an online news website, this morning, a man was confronted with an advertisement that invited him to become a Qualified Accountant, so he decided he would look further into the lucrative prospect. Moys Kenwood, 55, quickly cli...
It took a while, but Trace Nelson of New York City eventually realized that his coworker Jennifer Friedman had been pointedly ignoring him for over six months. "I think I must have accidentally offended her in some way," said Trace. "No clue how,...
Appealing to gardeners and parents alike, an international drug company recently introduced its new "Roundup-ready" baby aspirin, which will not only reduce the risk of clot-related strokes in those who take it, but will also provide protection again...
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