Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 21 May 2018

The UK’s defence secretary has declared that we must be “ready to counter threats from space”. He made the announcement after watching Starship Troopers and posting a live Vlog of him standing on ants.

The UK has proved itself incapable of dealing with threats that are standing in it’s own parliamentary buildings; so we doubt it’ll be up to fighting “space threats”.

Of course staying in the EU would have meant having access to a wider range of space technology and information. Probably making the effort of countering “space threats” a lot easier (not to mention cheaper) but we digress.

He said:

"It is essential we protect our interests and assets from potential adversaries who seek to cause major disruption and do us harm."

So is he planning on arresting Gove and the rest of the Tory party?

He went onto say that satellites were:

"not just a crucial tool for our armed forces but vital to our way of life”

Meaning that we need to protect them otherwise how can high powered government officials watch child porn while at work?

Of course we at Back and to the left news understand the need for the UK to be prepared to combat “space threats” after all space is where the blob came from. And with global warming on the rise it might prove difficult to defeat it if it landed on Earth. Our problem comes with the fact we have already paid over £1billion into a satellite program. A program we are no longer a part of because just under half the country hate the idea of Hungarians moving into a street three miles away.

Brexit means Brexit.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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