A burro herder discovers gold in The Pico de Gallo Mountains
Mexico's El Ole News Agency reports that a burro herder, who was deeply engrossed in digging a hole, stumbled upon something so dazzling in the dirt that it nearly blinded him with shock and amazement. The sun glinted off the object, casting a gol…
Read full storyMcDonalds is panicking due to the sesame seed shortage
Boom Boom News reporter Tilapia Frisbee has informed the fast food media that the powers that be at Mickey D's are extremely concerned about the shortage of sesame seeds. As everyone knows, Big Mac burger buns are topped off with over 70 sesame se…
Read full storyA Taliban terrorist spotted in a Tennessee fast food establishment
The Amalgated Data Gathering Agency has just broken the story that one of the Taliban's most diabolical terrorists has been spotted at a Jack-in-The-Box. Riff Shaker Goo, the notorious Taliban hitman, was seen casually sitting in a booth inside th…
Read full storyGreg Abbot faces flat-tire frustration admist Texas Troubles
While another mass shooter was busy killing children and taking selfies, Greg Abbott was busying himself in his driveway grappling with the bicycle tire repair kit he received as a Christmas gift last year for his wheelchair. Now that he actually nee…
Read full storyQueen Camilla: Squiffy is the head that wears the crown
While balancing a new fuzzy crown on her head, Queen Camilla (yes, she's a queen! Can you believe it? Is this a joke? Oh, it's not... it's real? Oh my goodness... there are only a few Pythons left alive!) asked if she had to take it home. "The cas…
Read full storyTroubled Tucker Carlson: My kingdom for some candy!
Tucker "Carl" Karlson was seen panhandling on the streets of Houston Texas yesterday, sitting in his own filth, bowtie askew, mud (or something) smeared on his face. "Spare some change, pretty pleeeeeeease! I'll tell you some lies! I know 'em all.
Read full storyAll British beer to dry up and all pubs to close by Michaelmas
On par with telling an American that their Second Amendment will be erased and all their guns taken away, the people of Britain will soon be up in arms this coming September when all beer production will stop and all pubs closed. This is coming fr…
Read full storyElon Musk is now marketing the Tesla Fighter Jet
The brilliance of Elon Musk knows no boundaries. The man has given the transportation world the Tesla Flying Car, the Tesla Bus, the Tesla Cruise Ship, the Tesla 18-Wheeler Truck, and now brace yourselves for the extraordinary Tesla Fighter Jet. M…
Read full storyAsk Dr. Billingsgate: First Lady wonders why Joe is coughing up hairballs
Dr. Billingsgate provides advice to a woman who fears that her husband has been “sniffing around.” Dear Dr. Billingsgate, I hope you don't think I'm being paranoid. But lately, I have been finding black hairballs around the White House. I'm…
Read full storyA woman from Louisiana alleges that she is Britney Spears' real biological mother
LaLaLand Daily is exclusively revealing a sensational claim made by a waitress at a quirky seafood diner, who boldly asserts that she is none other than the true mother of the iconic blonde songstress, Britney Spears! The enigmatic woman, identifi…
Read full storyDue to the clam shortage, Boston is having to import clams from Peru for their clam chowder
The clam chowder business in "Beantown" is facing a clam-ity of colossal proportions. According to a startling report from the American Research Group, the clam chowder industry is reeling from the devastating effects of the dreaded Atlantic Ocean…
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