Greg Abbot faces flat-tire frustration admist Texas Troubles

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Tuesday, 9 May 2023


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Greg Abbot faces flat-tire frustration admist Texas Troubles
He LOVED guns before he became governor ... and gets EMBARRASSED if you don't buy one ... we shoulda seen him coming ...

While another mass shooter was busy killing children and taking selfies, Greg Abbott was busying himself in his driveway grappling with the bicycle tire repair kit he received as a Christmas gift last year for his wheelchair. Now that he actually needed it, he was far from pleased.

"I'll gather all those foreign bicycle repair folks and send them on a bus straight to Biden's house!"

Not entirely clear what that had to do with anything, and with the tire still flat, poor old Greg couldn't think straight. His fingers were coated in excess gun oil, causing the repair kit to repeatedly slip from his grasp.

"Where are my trusty maids and gardeners – those fine individuals I pay a whopping 3 cents a day to? And they're glad to get it, mind you! Get one of them to fix this mess."

However, Gregggggg's hired Latino servants, Juan and Emilia Sanchez, were attending a memorial for the countless Hispanic children lost to the senseless violence inflicted by crazy white people armed with AR-15s.

They had asked Mr. Abbott for candles for the memorial but, his chided them, saying, "Candles don't grow on trees! Get a job and buy your own!"

The maids explained, "We have jobs. We work for you!"

To which he replied, "Not at this very moment, you're not. Finish up that goddamn vigil and get back to work!"

Staying at the vigil all night, Gregggooogle's flat tire remained unmended. He just span in circles in his driveway, going around and around without getting anywhere, endlessly ranting the same story. No one would listen, but all the while, an irate governor with a chip on his shoulder raged against everyone and anyone – but certainly not against himself, because, as we know, assholes never know they’re assholes.

Meanwhile, yet again another 23 individuals have met their tragic demise by “accidental bullet” in Texas. In response, the NRA handed out balloons and miniature pink AR-15s to all the obedient white boys and girls who know how to "run real fast to get out of the way of the yucky bullet!"

So, dear kids, who among you would like to give good ol' Unkie Greg a helping push?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more