Tucker "Carl" Karlson was seen panhandling on the streets of Houston Texas yesterday, sitting in his own filth, bowtie askew, mud (or something) smeared on his face.
"Spare some change, pretty pleeeeeeease! I'll tell you some lies! I know 'em all. Trump is the greatest in history. He once wrestled a Bigfoot Believe me!
"I'm a good person... a real manly man... Say, buddy, got a smoke or maybe some candy? Want to buy yesterday's newspaper for five bucks?
"I can hook you up with Melania's secret recipe for cosmic cookies. Just give her a call – she's not answering my calls anymore – and ask for a batch. My brain is melting! I am a Fox! I am the News. Do what I tell you or I'll brand you an Antifa clown!
"But hey, I'll take it all back if you've got some... CANDY!"
I slipped away when the drool got too thick and spilled a drop on my new Gucci fuchsia pumps! I should've kicked him in the face for trying to look up my skirt!
