The Alabama state senate has informed atheists to leave the state within 72 hours
In a move that many are calling highly illegal, the state senate of Alabama has voted to have all atheists leave the state within 72 hours. The vote was 96 to remove all atheists, 1 to allow them to stay, and 3 abstentions. One of the atheists,…
Read full storyThe notorious Goombalini family wants to buy Madison Square Garden
The notorious Cosa Nostra crime family, the Goombalini's have expressed that they want to purchase New York's Madison Square Garden. A spokesperson for the family, Giancralo Goombalini, said that the 10 brothers are all sports enthusiasts who enjo…
Read full storyThe rumor mill says that the makers of Bud Light may be going bankrupt
There is much sadness at the headquarters of Anehuser-Busch, as their flagship beer Bud Light has seen sales dwindle down to unimaginable numbers. A spokesperson for the beer, Dex P. Vancrow said that his company has apologized 29 times already si…
Read full storyA Hezbollah hitman is arrested at a wrestling match
One of the world's most wanted terrorist hitmen, Yaseen Su Tibia, was arrested as he sat in the second row at a WWE wrestling match in New York City. The Hezbollah terrorist, who is known as "The Crazy Creep," told arresting officers that he is n…
Read full storyIs Carrie Underwood's marriage on the rocks???
Carrie Underwood first rose to prominence in 2005, when she won "American Idol." And from there the beautiful, sexy, blonde babe from Oklahoma has not looked back. Carrie's first single hit was titled, "I Can Ride Sidesaddle, But I Just Prefer To…
Read full storyDairy Queen doesn’t want to get lost in a blizzard
Following a recent photo showing Trump at an Iowa Dairy Queen, we met a man who claimed he was the local store manager at a Burlington bus stop. Dressed in weathered and tattered clothing, each item bearing the signs of long and difficult days, and p…
Read full storyMad Max Mel and his wacky all-star movie
A man with bushy greyish hair flying all round his head, mumbling out conspiracy theories, possibly drunk or just really really looking drunk, and heavily tanned as though he’s slept outside for the last three decades … has a new movie! The Lord H…
Read full storyWhen two nerds go to war, moms get mad and cheerleaders laugh
Since Elon Musk can’t tell a joke to save his life, he is now trying to acquire more fame by doing things only a C-list celebrity would do to try to get back on top and be loved again. He’s going to try and beat up another techno nerd who also wan…
Read full storyIsraeli security forces arrest terrorist donkey
The top notch, best of the best, security forces in the entire world – in Israel? – have arrested a terrorist … donkey. (Ripped from the headlines of the “So bizarre it must be true” … this is somewhat of a true story. Google has the truth, maybe…
Read full storyAnother lie by Donald Trump
Writing that Donald Trump said he was Robert Redford in a fat suit was an example of satire. Alternatively, it was a joke. However, Donald Trump still has an issue with the truth. George Washington said, "I cannot tell a lie." It remains his epit…
Read full storyTrump and his WTF hairdo!!!
The US Hairstylists of America Union has just named Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump's hairdo as being, "The Nation's Most Fucked Up Hairdo From Hell." Out of the 39,467 hair groomers who voted, a total of 39,439 voted for Trump, 13 voted for Bill Ga…
Read full storyElon "Midas" Musk signs Kim Kardashian and Joaquin Beauregard to appear in a commercial for his new Tesla Copter
The Alpha Beta News Agency is reporting that Elon Musk, owner of Tesla Motors, has just signed "America's Couple" Kim Kardashian and Joaquin Beauregard to appear in a commercial for his latest addition the "Tesla Copter." Musk told reporter Mimosa…
Read full storyKevin Costner's wife says he cheated on her with a "Yellowstone" stunt woman
LaLaLand Daily reporter Willow Tulsa has broken the story that Kevin Costner's money-grabbing wife, Christine "Money Hungry" Baumgartner, is claiming that she filed for divorce after she learned that Kev was involved in an affair with a stunningly go…
Read full storyBezos-Musk Inc.'s new amazing iPhone is the size of a domino
The two most brilliant minds in the entire world have just invented a brand new state-of-the-art iPhone. Bezos-Musk Inc., which is headquartered in Austin has just released their brand new Bezos-Musk Saturn 13 iPhone. The S-13 is the size of a…
Read full storyThe 'High AF Games' could soon become a reality!
Amersterdamit - A group of highly-organized stoners known as The High As Fuck Games are reportedly close to obtaining approval to host what would be the very first, bi-annual event, similar to the Olympics... But where the competitors will all be…
Read full story