A man with bushy greyish hair flying all round his head, mumbling out conspiracy theories, possibly drunk or just really really looking drunk, and heavily tanned as though he’s slept outside for the last three decades … has a new movie!
The Lord Humungous, or Mel (as Kari calls him), wants the world to see his new movies. It’s about Jesus coming back to life to kick Jeffery Epstein and all his friend’s asses. Friends like Donald Trump.
Mel has a problem. He wants to out Hollywood as a Pedo Paradise, but he can’t get too in depth on the topic since Trump may be revealed in secret documents, at certain island parties, or just talking too much about how he wants to date his daughter.
Mel may betray his master! That would make him Judas! (Still … infamy is also fame, yes?)
Kari Lake was called, but she has a new book out stating how Jesus said he endorses her for governor of Arizona, and the book goes on to say how everybody’s out to get here, and why won’t Donald T-Dog return her calls and let her vacuum his carpet?
Donald is busy at the nearest Dairy Queen wondering what a blizzard is.
All the “best” stars may not appear in Mel’s movie, so he might have to start talking to the B-list. Where’s the cast of every TV sitcom from the 1980s? Those people are still alive and doing nothing, right? Mel was in the 1980s playing a crazy cop – he may have met some of them.
If you work for Mel, you too could be as AWESOME as Trump and Lake and Roger Stone and Guy Fieri and Joe Rogan and anyone who likes taking selfies with them. But remember: these people have millions of followers. Crazy sell, kids. Be like Mel – batshit wacky from Down Under.
Mel … isn’t it time to go home? You’re looking too much like Nick Nolte’s mugshot. That’s one way to make it in Hollywood.
