Gov. Ron DeSantis Says That Trump Is So Fucking Fat He Makes Gov. Sarah "The Milk Cow" Huckabee Look Anorexic
TALLAHASSEE, Florida - (Satire News) - The man who hates Trump more than anyone is Gov. Ron DeSantis, who says if Trump suddenly turned into a doughnut, he would feed (him) to Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee, who would no doubt eat him in less than 2 se…
Read full storyTom Brady Wants To Buy The Tampa Bay Buccaneers
TAMPA BAY, Florida - (Sports Satire) - Now that he has officially retired and is heading into the sports announcing booth, Tom Brady, ex-husband of the sexy, lasciviously sultry lingerie model Gisele Bundchen, says he would like to purchase the Tampa…
Read full storySenator Ted "Dracula" Cruz Says He Wants To Be Trump's 2024 Running Mate
MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - Sen. Ted "Dracula" Cruz told GOPicky Magazine writer Tabitha Wishywater that he would like to be Donald Trump's 2024 presidential campaign running mate. Cruz, who, along with Gov. Greg "Wheelchair Willie" Abbo…
Read full storyA Chinese Spy Balloon Lands In Chicago and Within 45 Seconds, Teenage Vandals Completely Strip it
CHICAGO - (Satire News) - Chicago's Channel 101 Eyewitnesser News reports that a spy balloon with Chinese markings landed in an unnamed slum in Chitown and within 45 seconds teenage vandals completely stripped it. A witness to the stripping said…
Read full storyWalking the Mean Streets of …Cumtown
Here we are on the mean streets of …Cumtown. Oh sure, you may say it’s not polite to say such a word, but it’s not me, I’m just the messenger, holding a mirror up to reality. The real threat to decency is out there, in the steam-soaked streets of…
Read full storyMcDonalds Is Donating $43 Million To President Biden's 2024 Reelection Campaign
CICERO, Illinois - (Satire News) - The American Food News Agency has just informed the American public that the biggest fast food chain in the world has donated $43 million to President Joe Biden's 2024 Reelection Campaign. A spokesperson said tha…
Read full storyThe US 113th Artillery Regiment Decimates Putin's 19th Infantry Regiment
TERNOPIL PASS, Ukraine - (Satire News) - The White House has announced that the United States 113 Artillery Regiment, based in El Paso, Texas, has soundly defeated President Vladimir Nikita Putin's 19 Infantry Regiment nicknamed "The Commie Kings," a…
Read full storyTrump Has a Fancy Bagel Gala At Mar-a-Lago (ONLY 13 Guests Attend)
MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - Sen. Teodorofellio Panchito "Ted" Cruz flew over to Mar-a-Lago to attend a sit-down bagel dinner for Donald Trump and one of his kiddoes, the one known as "Dopey," Donald Trump Jr. Invitations went out to 396…
Read full storyElizabeth Hurley's Sizzling Sex Cougar Website Gets 4 Million Hits Per Day
BEVERLY HILLS, California - (Satire News) - Tittle Tattle Tonight writer Pico de Gallo says that Liz Hurley's sexual website gets 4 million hits each and every day. "The Brit Clit" as she is known from England to Japan and from Mozambique to Costa…
Read full storyThe Mystery of The Year - Why Have Honeybees In Iowa Stopped Producing Honey
CORN SHUCK, Iowa - (Satire News) - The XYZ Research Group, headquartered in Austin, reports that for some strange-as-hell reason, honeybees in Iowa have stopped producing honey.. A spokesperson for XYZ stated that the leading experts on all things…
Read full storyCheryl Cole Admits She Kissed King Charles III, Back When He Was a Prince
LONDON - (Satire News) - One of Britain's most beloved celebrities, Cheryl Cole recently spoke with BBC writer Oceana Figgly at a downtown McDonalds. Cole, who has been described as sensuously erotic by most male members of Parliament revealed to…
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