MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - Sen. Teodorofellio Panchito "Ted" Cruz flew over to Mar-a-Lago to attend a sit-down bagel dinner for Donald Trump and one of his kiddoes, the one known as "Dopey," Donald Trump Jr.
Invitations went out to 396 individuals.
Melania is off in California with her NBA boyfriend LeBron James, Eric (Trump) is in self-isolation in Milwaukee, Ivanka is estranged and hates her sperm donor dad more than gazelles hate lions, and 16-year-old Barron, who hates his father more than he hates his pimples, is staying with his hal- sister Tiffany in Beverly Hills.
Meanwhile, the most famous person who attended Trump's gala was Greg "The Creature" Gutfeld, who isn't really famous, but hell, he's better known that other attendees including Lassiter Kickster, K.F. Pigoni, and the Dennaglow twins, Hanna and Vanna, who just turned 87.
SIDENOTE: A Mar-a-Lago insider said that Hanna had her pussy grabbed by Donald back in 1997, and Vanna is still a virgin, so no dude has ever grabbed her ass, her tits, or her pussy.
