TERNOPIL PASS, Ukraine - (Satire News) - The White House has announced that the United States 113 Artillery Regiment, based in El Paso, Texas, has soundly defeated President Vladimir Nikita Putin's 19 Infantry Regiment nicknamed "The Commie Kings," at the Battle of Ternopil Pass.
US reporter Tequila Tallyhoo with The Left Coast Mirror has been embedded with the 113th since Columbus Day, (Oct. 12.).
Miss Tallyhoo, who once dated actor Brad Pitt, noted that the 113th went after Putin's troops like a hungry wolf going after a beaver.
The 113th Artillery is commanded by Brigadier General Lomax Andrew Newlindorf, 52, of Eagle Pass, Texas.
Meanwhile Putin told the Kremlin Voice that his troops were confused after a heavy dense fog set in to the Ternopil Pass region.
[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Like the old football saying goes, hey fella, it rains on both ends of the football field.]
