President Trump Defends The Houston Astros
BRANDYWINE, Maryland – Republican, Donald Trump, was interviewed by Sports Balls Illustrated writer, Pistachio Custer, and was asked what he thought about the Houston Astros Sign-Stealing Scandal. POTUS put his Big Mac burger down, grinned like th...
Read full storyNik Wallenda Ready To Cross A Dangerous Lava-Spewing Volcano In Nicaragua
SARASOTA, Florida – High-wire aerialist, Nik Wallenda, has been training to walk across an active volcano located a few miles outside of Managua, Nicaragua. The 41-year-old daredevil who is a 7th-generation member of he famed Flying Wallendas circ...
Read full storySome Points About The Coronavirus and Tax Refunds That Trump Is Telling His Republican Supporters
WILDWOOD, New Jersey – President Trump was speaking to a huge crowd of GOPers at The Benedict Arnold Middle School gymnasium in Wildwood, New Jersey. He threw out red MAGA caps to the crowd, and was shocked when he saw one of the caps get thrown...
Read full storyNashville Neurotic First to Achieve Tripolar Status
Surpassing all mental health expectations, Cameron Foster of Nashville, Tennessee, became the first patient on record to be diagnosed as not merely bipolar, but tripolar. "It’s an honor," said 42-year-old Foster of his newfound claim to psychiatri...
Read full storyUS to shutdown internet to stop spread of new Online Coronavirus
US officials have confirmed the internet will be shut down. Director of US internet relations, James Chadwick, has said, "All internet comes from China, and to help keep a virtual virus from spreading, a complete shutdown of the internet will occ...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Contaminated By Coronavirus
There was the worst news possible for health officials fearing a mutation of the Coronavirus today, as it emerged that the virus had managed to infect an online satirical news website, sending contributors into a panic. TheSpoof.com reported it wa...
Read full story"Mama said just add limes," Bobby Boucher says of Coronavirus
Former South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dog linebacker, Bobby Boucher Jr., has gone public with a statement from his mama. According to his Mama, avoiding the Coronavirus is as simple as citrus. He stated, "Mama says that the Coronavi...
Read full storyCDC Offers Incredibly Obvious Advice on Coronavirus That Children Would Understand
The US CDC issued incredibly obvious advice this week on the coronavirus that even a 3-year-old child would understand. "The best thing to do if you feel like you are getting sick, is to go to the doctor," CDC officials said, in a dire warning to...
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