BRANDYWINE, Maryland – Republican, Donald Trump, was interviewed by Sports Balls Illustrated writer, Pistachio Custer, and was asked what he thought about the Houston Astros Sign-Stealing Scandal.
POTUS put his Big Mac burger down, grinned like the skunk that swallowed the canary, and said, “Well, putting aside all this bunk about collusion, I have to say that I completely support the Astros, and I can see their side of the situation.”
Trump took two bites out of his Big Mac and ate seven French fries, then continued, “You know, Pistachio, and this is off the record, but when it comes to cheating, this dude knows a lot about the fundamental concept, believe me. I even wrote a book titled, 'The Art of Cheating.'”
He went on, “I do not now, nor have I ever, adhered to the old-time adage that cheaters never prosper. I mean, just look at me . . . I am a cheater, and I have prospered like hell.”
Trump continued with a huge smile on his face. “I mean, Pisty, just think about it; I am the president of the United States of America, and soon I will be naming myself the King of the United States of America, the greatest nation in the historical history of friggin nations.”
“So, can I get a heil POTUS from you, my African-American bro?” Trump asked.
Custer shook his head, and replied, “Ah, no, and hell no! No effen way, fella!”
Trump put down his Big Mac, turned more orange than he already is, and yelled, “Then, get out of my Trump rally, and be prepared to get your anti-Trump ass deported back to Harlem or wherever you came over on the boat from!"
IN CLOSING – Trump said that if and when any Houston Astros are sent to prison, he will pardon them quicker than Nancy “Cupcakes” Pelosi can say “Take me out to the ballgame.”