Nik Wallenda Ready To Cross A Dangerous Lava-Spewing Volcano In Nicaragua

Funny story written by Fannin Fabriano

Saturday, 29 February 2020

image for Nik Wallenda Ready To Cross A Dangerous Lava-Spewing Volcano In Nicaragua
Crossing famed Nicaraguan volcano El Chingon Caliente will be Nik Wallendas biggest high wire walk to date.

SARASOTA, Florida – High-wire aerialist, Nik Wallenda, has been training to walk across an active volcano located a few miles outside of Managua, Nicaragua.

The 41-year-old daredevil who is a 7th-generation member of he famed Flying Wallendas circus troupe, spoke with a reporter with The Miami Globe Gazette.

Wallenda said that it will be his biggest challenge, other than trying to get his kids to eat their vegetables.

The volcano named El Chingon Caliente, which is Nicaraguan for The Big Hot One, was founded on September 16, 1520, by noted English explorer Sir Quigby F. Quigby and his girlfriend Staci Chipperwood.

Noted volcano historian Virgil Kerfuffle, Jr., noted that between November 2, 1521, and March 9, 2019, El CC has erupted a grand total of 13,313 times.

Ever since the volcano was first discovered, a total of 7,921 maidens have been sacrificed to El CC, including Nicaragua’s most famous crossdresser, Margarita "La Bonita" Chichis, in the summer of 2012.

Nik was asked what he will be wearing when he makes his 1,800-foot walk. He replied that he will be wearing a Tampa Bay Buccaneers football helmet, a pair of green Nike shorts, and his favorite cowboy boots.

IN CLOSING – Kerfuffle stated that the last time El CC erupted was back on April 29, 2001. He pointed out that when it erupted, it sent hundreds of humongous chucks of molten lava the size of KIA Sorentos that landed as far away as Bern, Switzerland, a distance of 5,787 miles as the crow files.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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