Someone At Uthiefa Got Massive Bung For Insane Baku Pick
London, UK - (Offside Rule): Football fans are rightly pissed at an insane Uthiefa decision to host this year’s cup final in crappy Baku. Azerbaijan’s capital city lies in a part of Western Asia best known for its lack of airport. Or a fixed runw...
Read full storyReincarnated Writer Discovers He Was Just As Lonely, Miserable, Confused, Unsuccessful, And Alcoholic In Previous Life As He Is In This One
Portage County, Wisconsin. Sources confirmed that 43-year-old Craig Marley, an extremely talented (yet alcoholic) blog writer, went to a spiritual reading last Tuesday only to discover that he was just as lonely, miserable, confused, and unsuccessfu...
Read full storyTeam of Man United Scientists Claim Anfield Is “Not A Special Place”
Manchester, England. A team of scientists working at the University of Old Trafford have issued a controversial report that seeks to contradict claims made by the wider public in England and the rest of the world that Liverpool FC are a special club.
Read full storyJoe Biden’s First Words After Having Head Cryogenically Frozen
BILLINGSGATE POST: “I’m trying to think, but nothing happens.” The first words of Joe Biden upon recovering from having his head cryogenically frozen at minus 321 degrees Fahrenheit were little different than before he had the experimental treatmen...
Read full storyThe Dangers of Sucking Disco Balls
A disco ball is a roughly spherical object that reflects light directed at it in many directions, producing a complex display. What are now usually called "disco balls" were first widely used in nightclubs in the 1920s. (source: Wikipedia - Disco bal...
Read full storyWhere are they now? Radio Veronica and Dutch Rock Bands of the 1970s
It introduced many a teenager cramming for his "O" Levels to the weird and wonderful era of Dutch rock, including Super Sister with their peaceful breathy vocals about being naked with a girlfriend interspersed with bursts of satanic death metal and...
Read full storyPastry Chef's Daughter Secretly Yearns to Be Gluten-Free
Amanda Carlyle, eldest daughter of world-renowned pastry chef Leo Carlyle, recently revealed that even though finely ground white flour has been her family's bread and butter for generations, she secretly yearns to be gluten-free. "I have these vi...
Read full storySussex man robbed of Atlantic crossing record as ketchup bottle drifts back to the start
After five grueling months drifting at the mercy of Atlantic currents in an ex-display Heinz ketchup bottle, a retired accountant from Sussex has finally floated back into the same harbour he set out from. Malcolm Selvedge, 73, claims to have been...
Read full storyCommunity Service Projects Still Provide Excellent Way To Relieve Horrendous Amounts Of Guilt
After analyzing the results of numerous surveys that were conducted throughout several counties in Wisconsin, top university officials within the UW System concluded Monday that volunteering for community service projects is still an excellent way fo...
Read full storyAflac Duck Lays Egg, Files Sexual Identity Suit
Columbus, Georgia. Special to The Spoof. The duck who has served as the television commercial mascot for the Aflac insurance company for twenty years has started laying eggs. While ducks lay eggs, an attorney hired by the duck in a sexual discrimi...
Read full storyBarcelona - Is This The End?
"Everything must come to an end" is how another old saying goes, and it was never more appropriate than on Tuesday night at Anfield, as Barcelona, so long the dominant force in Eurpoean football, threw away a 3-0 advantage, and crumbled out of the Ch...
Read full storyNorth Korean Missile Lands In Man's Back Garden
A man in the Battambang commune of Tapon has told of how he and his family were rudely awoken on Sunday morning, after a missile originating from North Korea landed in the back garden of his property. Moys Kenwood, 55, was shaken from his slumbers...
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