Manchester, England. A team of scientists working at the University of Old Trafford have issued a controversial report that seeks to contradict claims made by the wider public in England and the rest of the world that Liverpool FC are a special club.
The scientific study was issued in the wake of injury-hit Liverpool beating Lionel Messi and Barcelona 4-3 in the semi final of the European Cup.
“Absolute nonsense” sobbed Dr A. Ferguson who headed up the study. “We’ve conducted scientific tests. The area around Anfield is deprived which means those people are lazy and feckless and incapable of generating any success for themselves.” Ferguson has sent a copy of the report to the police and the Tory Government.
“Our findings are damning” ranted Dr G Neville angrily to The Sun newspaper: “I managed to disguise myself as a Liverpool fan as part of my research. I couldn’t find any greatness no matter how hard I looked. I had to derail a lot of conversations because the people I spoke to weren’t dead inside.”
“I don’t understand irony” wailed Dr O Solskjaer bitterly “ so i was non-plussed by the Scouse outlook on life. I bitterly reject their existence.”
“They should win the Nobel Price for Science” claimed Rio Ferdinand in an interview today
