Esther McVey - My teenage sherbert dip shame
Following on from news of Michael Gove's indiscretions with cocaine, Liverpudlian former TV host, and potential future Prime Minister, Esther McVey, has told us of her secret teenage sherbert dip habit. In her scouse accent, she told us 'I was onl...
Read full storyMan catches big Pike, still doesn't understand why he isn't more popular on dating sites
Brian Asshat, 63, grammar pedant, agoraphobic neo-nazi, and closet fisherman, has caught the biggest pike he has ever seen, and is still not proving to be that popular on dating website, Firestarter.com. 'This fish was massive. It was huge, bigger...
Read full storyMichael Gove could still be an excellent tea-boy
Michael Gove, the full adult form of fictional house-elf Dobby, has revealed that he would still like the opportunity to be 10 Downing Street's first-call tea-boy. A cocaine-taking past may have scuppered his chances of the top job, but he still h...
Read full storyTeresa May regrets running through wheat story
Following on from the news that most of the front-runners to become Prime Minister have a drug-fuelled past, Teresa May admits that she regrets saying the running through the Wheatfields of local farmers in her youth was the worst of her transgressio...
Read full storyMan Was Left Aghast At Schiphol Airport Signage
A wearied transit passenger waiting patiently for an onward flight at Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport, has told of how he was left "aghast" after reading a sign informing travellers: U kunt hier wachten voor ass Moys Kenwood, 55, was travelling fr...
Read full storyGeorge RR Martin Has Been Busy Writing Books Again
George RR Martin, the man responsible for the books upon which the TV fantasy drama 'Game Of Thrones' is based, is a tireless author. This doesn't mean he hasn't got any tires, it means that he rarely puts his pencil and notepad down. Martin takes...
Read full storyCharismatic Nashville Man Explains that If You Were He, You’d Be a Narcissist, Too
After years of feigning modesty out of fear of coming across as arrogant and self-centered, Caleb Treble of Nashville, Tennessee, finally helped his friends understand that his narcissism is a natural byproduct of his inherent superiority and that if...
Read full storyMore Tory Leadership Candidates Reveal Drug-Fuelled Pasts
The Tory Leadership stakes have risen dramatically in the last 24 hours, with more and more candidates confessing to past illegal drug-use, writes Archery, Bridge, Hare-Jugging, Real Tennis, Topological Homeomorphism and Political Correspondent, Clai...
Read full storyTories Looking For New Dealer
London, UK - (Snorting Mess): Conservatives must appoint a new Narcotic Business Secretary following the collapse of the government’s flagshit Brexit New Deal Strategy which left ministers exposed as a bunch of crack-peddling tossers in hock to Donal...
Read full storyHomophobe Pride Parade to go ahead
In Butte, Montana, an unusual event is due to take place later this month. While many cities around the world are celebrating gay pride with a parade, in Butte a group of homophobes will march through the streets. Organiser Geoff Muncher explaine...
Read full storyMan In Potato Chips Advert Was Wearing Far Too Much Lipstick
A male actor in a TV advertisement for some potato chips, was wearing an extraordinary amount of lipstick, leading one viewer to think, not unreasonably, that the man might have been a homosexual. The chips, Jacks, a product by Calbee, are delicio...
Read full storyTheresa May Found Crouching Under Scottish Bridge
Theresa May, the former British prime minister, who resigned from her position as Conservative party leader on Friday, has been discovered by three walkers in the Scottish Highlands, crouching under a bridge. The incident took place near Ben Nevis...
Read full storyAirline Profits by Flying Deportees to Repressive Homeland
Los Angeles, CA. Police were called to quell a disturbance this morning at the annual stockholders meeting of Baja Pacific Airlines. A melee occurred when a outraged stockholder tried to propose a motion to terminate a very lucrative contract with...
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